I am so lost. I feel like I am contradicting myself. One minute I want him , the next minute I dont. I know it is going to be exactly the same everytime I go back, but its just so hard for me to give up. he told me that he will stop calling me names when he is ready because he is frustrated and he is not going to worry about that right now. But i cant deal w/ it anymore.... seriously. Emotionally I cant take it.... but he doesn't understand that. I just want to be happy and I feel like he is holding me back, but I dont know how to be happy if im not with him. How will that make me happy? It would be so weird without him.... i dont even where to start to make myself happy.  I feel hopeless