Update

Hi, all, I wanted to let you know that I'm feeling better today.  Maybe I'll sink in the afternoon again, but now I know where McDonalds is a couple blocks away, so I'm not too far from a soft serve cone if I really need it. I have been encouraging James to go to therapy to deal with his job stress, and to my surprise, he talks about his marriage in there too!  Yesterday he said he had a great session, and I asked if it was about his job, and he said no, it was about IVF.  Of course that makes sense.  But I have always seemed (to me) to be the one with all the emotions about IVF; James has just been loving and supportive.  And that's it. But no, the poor boy has been suppressing all his emotions, which has contributed to his (what I thought was work-related-) crankiness.  Maybe because he's a man, and definitely because he was raised to erupt into anger, when he's upset, it comes out in the form of anger.  And he knows that his knee-jerk reactions don't make any sense, and he doesn't want to upset me, so he just bottles it up. And I said, "Oh, honey, that makes total sense.  And I don't want you to be carrying around a lot of unhappiness and frustration.  You know it will just come out somewhere anyway.  You can always talk to me." And here is what he said, "Well, what I was most angry about recently was ... I was mad at you for not being pregnant." I see why he kept that to himself. Sigh.  Excuse me? But I said, "Well, I can see how you might react like that.  And you're probably angry that all I do during the treatments is sleep and you have to do all the work around the house."  Yes.  "And you're probably mad that we don't have a sex life any more."  Yes. So then he felt better, and I tried to take it all in stride as therapeutic. But later in the evening, he was upstairs working and I was sitting on the couch by myself thinking, "My husband just told me that he's mad at me for everything.  Therapy or not, he has to make this up to me."  So I went up and stood in front of him in my underwear (that was my work outfit while I was painting the living room earlier... another story) and put my hands on my hips and said, "You owe me some positive attention."  And he smiled and got up and we went and cuddled and talked and held hands and laughed in bed for about 2 hours.  And everything worked out just fine. But God.  Maybe I DON'T want him to have any emotions!  It's a lot of trouble.