It's two days before the pregnancy test and I am starting to decline. Since before our IUI, when the doc told me that my uterine lining was skimpy and he doubted the procedure would work, I have had low expectations. But as the test draws near, that infernal hope builds and I cannot help getting swept up in it. Yesterday evening I started to feel nauseated, a feeling I had again this morning. My husband tried to hide a smile. I did too. Today I've been able to think of nothing but the tiny twangs and twitches in my body. I've started dragging -- but is that from pregnancy fatigue or from the depression that is resolutely battling my hope, who will be DAMNED if I get hurt again on Friday? Can't they give me coma-inducing drugs for today, tomorrow, and Friday? Why do I have to go through this again? Why do I have to hold out my just-knit wound and risk it being torn open again? I'm so tired!
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