I've been wanting to take a bath soooo badly, as my body and soul ache in anticipation of the pregnancy test.  I tried to take a nap but just began composing this poem in my head.  It's called "Ode to a Bath."  Hot baths are listed as tabooAs things that we should never do.While over embryos we fussTo keep them in the uterus.  They’ve got two weeks to dig right inAnd if they do, by God, we win.But teeny cells are very weakAnd thus our care providers speak:  Don’t do a thing to make them mad.The best of blastocysts are glad.They’ve got no tension or infectionYour voice should keep a calm inflection.  Your body should glide over the floors.Exude your health from all your pores.Keep far away from work and laborLest your womb-room fall from favor.  Think not a worried thought at allMake sure those cells will have a ball.You can’t do things to make you tired.The embryos would yell at you, “You’re Fired!”  Like raking leaves or digging soil,Or heavy lifting, strain, or toil.Make sure you make a good role model  So your babies be born, then crawl, then toddle.  Don’t swallow knives or take bad pillsOr pick up any sorts of ills.Don’t take a jog or go kick boxin’, Imbibe caffeine or other toxin.  And most of all, don’t take a bath!It’s full of germs; you do the math.Your birth canal can flow both waysAnd carry viruses from long days  Of petting cats and shaking handsAnd traipsing round in foreign lands.Keep those kids as safe and soundWhile uterus blood goes swishing round.  That brownish goo, that tampon juiceToday keeps out the germs profuse.But oh the shots have bruised my butt.I feel as dirty as a mutt.  I long to soak myself and letThe kinks melt off and mind forgetMy worries, fears, and baby thoughts,The “Maybe Pregnant”s, “Maybe Not”s.  I dream and dream about the dayWhen Calgon can take me away.Till then, a shower’s the best I’ll do:A dash of soap, a splash shampoo.  And here I stand and there’s the rubI’ll bathe not in my sudsy tub.