I wish they had a worried smiley face to depict my current mood.  It would have a horizontal line for the mouth and a furrowed brow over the two eye-dots.  The color would be the color of the New York sky: simultaneously purple and orange.  How can anything be those two colors at once; at once dark and light?Tomorrow is my egg retrieval -- or "harvest," as I'm calling it -- and I can't sleep.  Actually, it's in about 4 hours.  I know I have somewhere in the neighborhood of nine or ten follicles which look good, or so the doctors tell me.  They don't like to go into specifics because we infertile women tend to freak out and google everything they say.  I also know that the nervewracking part of this process should be when they put the embryos in, not when they just remove the raw material.  But still.  We're coming to the part of this process that really matters.  With such a long lead-in period, and with so many shots in the belly for heaven's sake, how could anyone not start to get nervous?A friend of mine was cleaning out her closet and brought me some hand-me-downs yesterday before she took the rest to a consignment shop.  The way I'm looking at this is as a fresh infusion of t-shirts that I haven't had a chance to stain.  But she also gave me several dresses and pairs of pants that I hope to "grow into."  She's a size bigger than me, and I'm really hoping to grow out of my current wardrobe soon.  Ugh.  Hoping.Some of my best friends had a new baby over the weekend and I went to see her yesterday at the hospital.  The room was packed with mom, dad, and two grandparents, so I didn't get a lot of baby or frank-talk-about-childbirth time.  But I did get to hold the new little 8-pound Madeline.  As I held her and looked at her perfect little lips and crazy-tiny hands, I hoped beyond hope that the eggs that were resting beneath her in my lap would produce a playmate soon.  Hoping. Now I should really go to bed.