20/09/2018

today is the i have decied to get divorced without a secound thought. its 3 days away from my wedding anniversary , 7 years of trying my best and giving it all i had, crying, screaming, begging,pleadig, long letters,long messages , trying to to tlk about it, sleepless nights , crying myself to sleep. i never wanted to give up , i wanted this to work with all my heart , but i cant make someone love me who doesnt , hell he doesnt even care , then how do i expect love , i tried my best to be the perfect supportive wife , i gave my all til there was nothing left to give and still i gave what i did not have , prayed for him more than i ever did myself , i dont want a divorce to hurt him or spite him , or any other reason but i feel this is truly over, it hurts to say i dont love him any longer , he has broken me so that i am depressed , i can look at myself in  the mirror ,  i feel like i failed my children , but i can no longer live this i can no longer stop the sucide thoughts so i need to get out now, and i am so scared and alone , today i wish my mom were here , i have no one to go to and God know i would give anything right now for a hug and just someone to hold me and tell me its going be okay , i am so lost and alone