2 too many
So.....call me crazy...but, last night I'm on my way home. I had to stop and run an errand that put me 30 minutes behind. I was driving by this bar that my ex love interest loved to hang out in. I saw his van there and stopped. I noticed he was at the bar inthe corner playing a game with friends. He never turned his back and had no idea I was there. The place was dark. I wanted to stay and watch him, hoping, he might notice me somehow. He was so into his game and friends that I didnt go and talk to him. I gave the waitress a note on a napkin and told her to wait 10 minutes and then give it to him. I then went out the door. I called 5 minutes later and she had given him the note, but, he never said anything. I was excited but disappointed at the same time. I guess I just wanted him to know that I miss him and I want the oppurtunity to tell him I love him and would give up everything I have just to be with him.
I got no response. He probably deleted my number and doesn't care. I've debated going back again. I just don't want to seem desperate. Should I just let things be? Advice please.....
Replies
If I call you crazy, it will be as a respectful salute to sisterhood, Sage. Since my parents became my pimps, I have felt like crazy is my strongest birthright. I believe that compassionate crazy is a good thing.
On the unrequited love score. . . I opine that you have been sounding desperate for a goodly while now. I hate advice-giving, but I would advise myself to let the next stop be a live support meeting.
Continued support, whichever way you take ^it^.
Thanks, yes the insurance at my work kicks in July 1 and I will be getting back into counseling. I'm going thru a bad cycle right now.
Im messing up at work..unhappy at home. He did reach out to me. I am going to have a talk with him to either move forward or close the chapter for good. I'm wondering if all this craziness is menopause setting in. I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago and the last 2 years have been up and down for me. IDK anymore. Combination of everything I think. Ive been worried about menopause frankly. Ive had emotional issues my whole life but worried it might put me over the edge. I feel like a trainwreck and getting ready to go forward into a burning building ( doesn't make sense).
I went through a ?natural? menopause around the turn of the millennium. It was pretty astounding to me when I finally found an older woman who had experienced a natural menopause. None of the medicos I talked to in that era had ever met one either, so they weren't much help. That singular woman compared natural menopause to adolescence in that there is no clear beginning, during, nor end. The best way through is to pay it as little mind as possible without sliding into repression or denial. Somehow it helped me to think of myself as an adolescent old lady. Have I lost my awkward adolescent moves yet? A hysterectomy gives you a clear beginning, but my sisters who have gone that route assure me the during and end remain a bit of a mystery. Gentle empathy on the confusion of how that factors in. Wish I had clear answers for both of us.
But the psychobaggage behind my frequent flyer psychosis which robbed me of so many long-term relationships and all the other psychoses and phobias in my psychobaggage car didn't seem to change much. In my own strictly personals, I ply the folk adage, "That which we are when we are young, we are more so when we are older." My healing hope in that acceptance is that I still get to decide what to do with who and what I am. Works in progress. . .
I've just been so mixed up and emotional lately and very irritable too. Lots of migraines too. Ill do good for a couple of days then slip backwards. I'm afraid my terrible loneliness isn't helping things either. The relationship I'm in is with a much older man and he has trouble physically with things. But, at the same time, he just doesn't talk. And I'm just tired of chasing men who aren't emotionally available. That's been my problem all along. I kept my ovaries, but I fear with my age, they are refusing to do their job and I am feeling their wrath.