2 steps forward, 3 steps back
Ok this is another rambleing of my f'd up mind so off we go.... Ok so it seems that I only get on here when Im really f'n depressed but whatever... it is waht it is. Things haveing been looking up for us lately and that part of me that has been hurt so many times just kept saying don't get your hopes up too high, cause you know that its all just gonna take a 180 here soon.
Stoped takeing the Welbutrin the doc put me on. cause it was makeing me feel REALLY weird and out in space. I want to be able to think clearly not be out in space or ina fog all the time. So doc took me off that. had to move out of our house cause it was full of freakin mold EVERYWHERE!!! had to sleep on our couch bed for over a month till we could move out. kept getting stung by scorpins in our sleep,all th while we were getting sicker from staying in a mold infested house. Like seriously there was a stip of black mold 4 ft long by 5inch high behind on of our dressers that I found. Had to fight with our old Landlord about it. It really sucked cause they were supposed to be friend of the family. But I guess real friends don't let friends rent out mold infested homes when they knew it was like that to start with!!
The only t good things (the 2 steps forward) is that I got an AMAZING job offer to work as a bank teller!! I have been working there now for about a month. And the new home we found to rent is very nice and has very nice Landlords.
So life has been great for about a month. Had to move in record breaking heat.... that sucked!! the temp in the car read 112 at one point!! but finally moved into new house. Well know hubby may be getting fired cause 1. the place he worked for is the most ill managed place I have ever delt with. 2 the service writers are so rude to him, so unfortunalty thanks to his temper he has kept his mouth shut for to long and finally blew his top today. So know he is looking for another job.... go figure. He is also majorly depressed and when he is depressed it is all i can do to try and deal with it. I knwo it sounds horrible cause i have depression too. but he doesn't want to talk, he doesn't want to get any kind of help, he just wants to be a whiny baby about EVERYTHING and its becomes all about him!!!
now he is on his way to go see his father, cause he called hubby and told him he had something to talk to him about, like he is probably going back to prison. cause he is an alcholic moron. Ugh things were starting to look up for us!!! WHY!!!
It seems like the tiniest hting can set me off. I woke up this morning with the most horribel panic attack. It took it like 2-3 hrs to go away. I have gotten good over the years of tring to hide them and just try to keep going with my life. But it is geting harder and harder. It like I have lived in depression and abuse and anxiety for so long that my mind and body doesn't know any other way to live.
I have all these thoughts come flooding in... your soo stupid. wy don't you r jst kill yourslef. I wish I was dead. I wish I could just run away from it all
well hubby is home gotto go!
Stoped takeing the Welbutrin the doc put me on. cause it was makeing me feel REALLY weird and out in space. I want to be able to think clearly not be out in space or ina fog all the time. So doc took me off that. had to move out of our house cause it was full of freakin mold EVERYWHERE!!! had to sleep on our couch bed for over a month till we could move out. kept getting stung by scorpins in our sleep,all th while we were getting sicker from staying in a mold infested house. Like seriously there was a stip of black mold 4 ft long by 5inch high behind on of our dressers that I found. Had to fight with our old Landlord about it. It really sucked cause they were supposed to be friend of the family. But I guess real friends don't let friends rent out mold infested homes when they knew it was like that to start with!!
The only t good things (the 2 steps forward) is that I got an AMAZING job offer to work as a bank teller!! I have been working there now for about a month. And the new home we found to rent is very nice and has very nice Landlords.
So life has been great for about a month. Had to move in record breaking heat.... that sucked!! the temp in the car read 112 at one point!! but finally moved into new house. Well know hubby may be getting fired cause 1. the place he worked for is the most ill managed place I have ever delt with. 2 the service writers are so rude to him, so unfortunalty thanks to his temper he has kept his mouth shut for to long and finally blew his top today. So know he is looking for another job.... go figure. He is also majorly depressed and when he is depressed it is all i can do to try and deal with it. I knwo it sounds horrible cause i have depression too. but he doesn't want to talk, he doesn't want to get any kind of help, he just wants to be a whiny baby about EVERYTHING and its becomes all about him!!!
now he is on his way to go see his father, cause he called hubby and told him he had something to talk to him about, like he is probably going back to prison. cause he is an alcholic moron. Ugh things were starting to look up for us!!! WHY!!!
It seems like the tiniest hting can set me off. I woke up this morning with the most horribel panic attack. It took it like 2-3 hrs to go away. I have gotten good over the years of tring to hide them and just try to keep going with my life. But it is geting harder and harder. It like I have lived in depression and abuse and anxiety for so long that my mind and body doesn't know any other way to live.
I have all these thoughts come flooding in... your soo stupid. wy don't you r jst kill yourslef. I wish I was dead. I wish I could just run away from it all
well hubby is home gotto go!
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