2 months today

2 Months today since John died.
Lately I have been wondering why me, why me?  I never considered myself lucky in any sense of the word.  But since John has died, you would not believe how many people have told me how  LUCKY I was to have had such a great guy and family.  You see all the time me and John were thinking about all those with such wonderful friends and going to parties how lucky they were, not something that we wanted or needed because we had each other.  We really never needed or wanted anybody else family was everything to us.  We went to all the soccer games, basketball games, baseball games, football games, dance recitals and dance competitions.  Our 3 kids wanted to be a part of everything and they did.  They once asked if we were sure they were our kids because we didn't like being noticed we preferred to stay in the background and let them get the attention.  Well that is except when John didn't agree with the referee's call, then the whole world could hear him.  After a while the kids got used to it but he was very vocal at the kids sporting events.  Even while watching the Saints game and LSU games in the living room, I think the neighbors could here him.  Maybe it's from being from South Louisiana and you support your teams win or lose it doesn't matter as long as they have fun doing it.   We would go to the movies, shopping, eating out and spending time with kids and grandkids, and can't forget about family trips to disney that was what our life consisted of  lately.  That was all that we needed. 
Well here as I sit writing I am starting to smile remembering the happy times, the sad times and all of life's obstacles in the middle.  Without all of that I wouldn't be here.  My family, friends and co-workers tell me they can't believe how strong I am.  But what they don't realize is that I could do anything as long as he was by my side and believed in me.  And even though it is only 2 months since he passed I can honestly say without a doubt I know that he is so proud of me.  I can stand on my own two feet and not need anyone.  However, I know that if I were to meet someone I can honestly say that John will forever have a part of my heart, but I know that it is big enough to Love another.  My father-in-law divorced and remarried a widow he was 61 and she was 67, they have now been married for 21 years and are very happy.  They both treat each other kids, grandkids and great grandkids like gold.  They have been a true inspiration and I know that love at any age is possible.  Yes, it may be a different kind of love.  But if it puts a smile on your face and gives you a reason to want to live I say take a chance.  No one is promised tomorrow so live today as though it is your last.  Leave nothing left unsaid.  I will love you forever John you are the father to my beautiful kids and they are a constant reminder to me of your love.  But if the good lord sends  someone to love me and travel with me, you know I will do it.  Till we meet again.  And back to my boring life.  Oh well at least it's mine!  Dre'