2 months today

Hi Sweetie,
I can't believe it's been 2 months today that you left us.  I don't think the date is as hard for me as the day is.  Every Monday I find myself constantly looking at the clock and remembering each hour of what we did, said, etc.  Tuesday mornings are the worse because I know the last time I talked to you but so happy that our last words to each other were me: I love you, you: I love you more.  That was your classic response  I think I'm doing pretty well given the fact it's only been 2 months.  I started going out more but of course, I make sure I'm home before it gets dark.  Some places are still to hard to go but I'll eventually do it in my own time.  I pray every night that God give me the strength to accept the fact that I'm alone now and it's not just a bad dream.  I stay strong to honor your memory knowing you would NOT want me sitting at home alone and crying all the time.  I find joy in the memories we made in our 36 years, our 4 kid and 9 grandkids.  We were blessed with so much and I'm thankful for the time God gave us.  There are times in the last few days I feel guilty because I'm not crying constantly but I realize it's because you're watching over me and always hated when I cried. Bringing that dog to Todd gave me and him more comfort and peace than anything.  "Mac" is proof you're still concerned about us and taking care of us. 
I went to Mike & Carol's last night for dinner and Jim was in town.  It was a nice evening but made me miss you so much, wishing you were there with us.  I still have my sad days and miss you like crazy but I know you didn't leave because you wanted to, God had control over that and knew you were suffering so He took you back home.  When I start feeling sad and lonely, I think about your last 2 weeks remembering what hell you went through and I would not want you suffering like that.  You were so strong and never complained...I don't know how you did it.  You're my hero but you knew that already.
I love and miss you so much but I'm determined to be strong and carry on and make you proud of me.