2 months
Stevan,
2 months ago ( Nov. 10th ) you left this world on a journey to a new life and place. We had plans for our future and you and I were to grow old together. As I looked back on that late night and early morning, the blindsided shock of you not here anymore I realize that we can't predict the future we can only live here as time allows, we will never know when our time is done here on earth. I keep repeating that night over and over in my head like it was yesterday, If I had any inkling that you were going to die I would have left that damn truck in the way of the emergency entrance at the hospital. I would have stayed with you and told you how much I and the kids love you, I would have hugged you before you crashed. But I didn't know, I thought you were just having some kind of reflux issue or gallbladder attack since you didn't have any other symptoms that night, not like Friday night where you said your neck was getting painful, I didn't know that was a sign of a heart attack either, I only knew the obvious ones and you didn't have them. Me and Casey went to Fort Snelling to day to bring you flowers and to tell how much we love you and miss you. You Headstone turned out beautiful, the words are there, what we wanted it to say. I hope you are happy with that and that you can see it. Yes we cried, I had to sit there for a few minutes before driving away, I needed to talk to you and tell you how much you are loved and that you mean the world to me. I hope you can hear me and us when we talk to you. I wished I had more time with you but it wasn't meant to be so I will go on here on earth and try to take care of Casey and Kyle the best I know how and miss you and love you everyday of my life Stevan. You will always be my first true love, best friend, lover, partner, Husband and dear Daddy and Papa to Casey and Kyle. I love you more than you will ever know and miss you the same Stevan. I hope you are OK and at peace where you are. And I hope that there really is a Heaven and God like you always talked about, if there is then I know you are OK.
I will continue to grieve for you but I have to try to go on also and move forward in this life, I can't stand the sadness anymore, I feel as If I am just making it through each day, but don't feel I am living each day. I start my support group on Monday night and hope that they can help me with this process be cause I know you would want me and the kids to keep living, I am also going to call and make an appointment to get that Breathe Laser treatment to stop smoking, not sure of the timeline to that but I promised Kyle I would when I felt like I could make it through this. I will need you support in that Stevan.
I LOVE YOU STEVAN HELLERUD
ALWAYS & ALWAYSFOREVER & EVER
Laur
2 months ago ( Nov. 10th ) you left this world on a journey to a new life and place. We had plans for our future and you and I were to grow old together. As I looked back on that late night and early morning, the blindsided shock of you not here anymore I realize that we can't predict the future we can only live here as time allows, we will never know when our time is done here on earth. I keep repeating that night over and over in my head like it was yesterday, If I had any inkling that you were going to die I would have left that damn truck in the way of the emergency entrance at the hospital. I would have stayed with you and told you how much I and the kids love you, I would have hugged you before you crashed. But I didn't know, I thought you were just having some kind of reflux issue or gallbladder attack since you didn't have any other symptoms that night, not like Friday night where you said your neck was getting painful, I didn't know that was a sign of a heart attack either, I only knew the obvious ones and you didn't have them. Me and Casey went to Fort Snelling to day to bring you flowers and to tell how much we love you and miss you. You Headstone turned out beautiful, the words are there, what we wanted it to say. I hope you are happy with that and that you can see it. Yes we cried, I had to sit there for a few minutes before driving away, I needed to talk to you and tell you how much you are loved and that you mean the world to me. I hope you can hear me and us when we talk to you. I wished I had more time with you but it wasn't meant to be so I will go on here on earth and try to take care of Casey and Kyle the best I know how and miss you and love you everyday of my life Stevan. You will always be my first true love, best friend, lover, partner, Husband and dear Daddy and Papa to Casey and Kyle. I love you more than you will ever know and miss you the same Stevan. I hope you are OK and at peace where you are. And I hope that there really is a Heaven and God like you always talked about, if there is then I know you are OK.
I will continue to grieve for you but I have to try to go on also and move forward in this life, I can't stand the sadness anymore, I feel as If I am just making it through each day, but don't feel I am living each day. I start my support group on Monday night and hope that they can help me with this process be cause I know you would want me and the kids to keep living, I am also going to call and make an appointment to get that Breathe Laser treatment to stop smoking, not sure of the timeline to that but I promised Kyle I would when I felt like I could make it through this. I will need you support in that Stevan.
I LOVE YOU STEVAN HELLERUD
ALWAYS & ALWAYSFOREVER & EVER
Laur
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