2 months
Today is so sad for me. I've been sitting at work today just feeling like a zombie. Today is 2 months since my son Jesse left me. He was 30, very handsome, never married and no children. It feels like he was taken before he even got a chance to start a life yet. I still feel sometimes like it isn't really true. All the faith in good and belief in God I've lived with all my life has been shattered and I don't know what to believe in anymore.
June
June
Replies
June Im so sorry you are hurtting so much today. I know that horrible feeling of losing a son too. Mine was 4 yrs ago, so I have had some time to heal a little bit. It touched my heart that you said you dont know what to believe anymore. Losing a child can shake us to the core. I searched for an answer about God & death. I have to say what I learned not only answered my questions but also gave me comfort. If you would like me to share with you what I found, just send me a message. Many many warm hugs from me to you......Vicki
Dear June, My heartaches for you, I am So sorry for the loss of your son Jesse.. I too lost my 18 year old son Ryan April 15,2006 on Easter Weekend, 6 yrs 8 months ago...At 1st I never thought I was going to live through it... I wanted to die for so long, but in time we learn how to cope with it in our own way.. Right now nothing is going to make sense to you until you talk about Jesse, talk to Jesse, Swear at God, Scream, cry, the why me, way jesse, the if onlys, on & on & over &over to the point you can\'t take the pain any longer.. Then something along the way you find yourselve laughing, and the guilty feelings kick in... You will be in circles with the same questions, walking in circles, Just Crazy....IF You are, you are going to be Ok, cause the grieving PROCESS, Processing every holiday, angel date, birthdays, mothers day, etc.. The Good News is YOU will survive!! It will get easier as you learn the tricks we all have to do to survive.. If it wasn\'t for the Moms on ForMomsOnly, I don\'t know where I\'d be.. Journaling helps alot, especially this time of year, the hardest of all...Continue to journal and you will get through these holidays...Love & Hugs, Kelly
zombie......i was that zombie tooooo! I still have those days...I still have the missing,,the don\'t believe this happened.....just remember you are never alone,,you have a bunch of sisters here who love you...
June, I went through that first year in a fog..if I could have stayed in bed with the covers over my head I world have. Bit I had to go to work..don\'t know how productive I was..I\'d go out in my car and sit and cry, oh hell, I\'d sit at my desk and cry.
I was soo angry at god when Jenn died, I\'d always been taught that god loves us and wants what is best for us..how could her dying be what was best for me, her kids, her sister? You may see that I am still angry about
It . And will probably always be... Just remember WE, the moms here at FMO understand and are here for you
Marylou
You are in those early raw months of sorrow and the fog, zombie state... All of it I know and remember so well. In fact, I can still go there on days that I need to cocoon and pull in.
I read in one of my books on grief that if we could be hospitalized for what we\'ve endured with the loss of a child we would be in the ICU on life support. That has always given me a clear visual of just how life shattering this is.
The wise women here told me just to focus on breathing... deep inhales, exhales and sighs along the way. To return to something as simple as my breathing got me through many harsh moments.
Just this day, this moment and I\'m SO sorry for the loss of your wonderful son, Jesse. My Douglas was single and without children too. I look forward to getting to know more about your son and you in the days ahead.
You are not alone and are cared for here by a village of loving sisters of the heart.
Gentle hugs of understanding.
XO Joanie
Hi June, I hear you with my whole heart~~
Zombie is the perfect description....a zombie on auto pilot was exactly how I felt at two months....and beyond for a while....
And like you, everything I believed, trusted in, hoped for, \"God\" speaking, became a question for me. I first had to fight my way through the anger at God, then I had to start with a blank spiritual slate. It\'s not easy reconciling our beliefs and our faith when something so tragically horrible happens. I decided I had to brake it down to the basics.....and for me, that took me to what I believe is core....LOVE. All the other stuff is just fluff and icing....good and truth and lessons for sure, but basically, as I see it, \"Fluff\". So, I focus on learning, giving, receiving, and being LOVE. I figure everything else will work itself out and truthfully, I don\'t have the brain power or the energy to try and figure out anything beyond LOVE.
I\'m sorry the day was so sad for you; truly sorry, and truly understand.
Love you!
Love to Jesse!
Sweet June I\'m so very sorry. The pain in the early months, in fact the whole first year is so horrible. All the Mom\'s that have gone through it said it will get better and I never thought it would, but it did, and there are now days that I even laugh and am happy. But in the early months all I wanted was some peace. Peace from the heartache, the panic, the constant tears.
Tight hugs, Terry
I remember those days well. A zombie is a good description. Take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself. Believe it or not, and I know I didn\'t, you will smile again - it won\'t be for awhile but it will happen. I thought my tears would never stop...Hugs, Ann