2/20/15

I've started my yoga teacher's training this week.  Initially I've been very excited, but I have a lot of self doubt and anxiety about this whole thing.  Self care alone scares me, now I'd have to be helping others with theirs in a yoga studio.  I hate the sound of my voice, and that will be what cues others.  It makes me nervous.  Yesterday I purged before class and didn't eat the rest of the day.  
I also found out my ex has a "facebook official" girlfriend.  (We're friends, but I'm realizing it is more difficult than I anticipated)  I didn't think it would bother me this much, but it did.  He was telling me all these plans coming up that he was going to do with her - plans that we had talked about doing together.  It really hurt me more than I thought it would.  I returned back home to my shitty apartment and began to hate everything all over again.  My place seems to be simply a reminder of everything I lost and my loneliness.  I feel stupid for feeling this way, but it is still a feeling.
Usually weekends are the most difficult, so I will be getting out for my training, DBSA support group, and appointment with my therapist.  Honestly right now, the idea of getting out makes me nervous.  I'm tired of feeling so afraid.