1st entry...

So... I didn't think my first journal entry was going to be sad but it is for me.  First off, a lot has changed for me since I was last on this site.  Then, I was single and confused. I'm still confused but no longer single.  I married my best friend about a month and a half ago.  I love him with all my heart. He's in the other room asleep right now.  When we met, I had only been back in my hometown for about a week or two.  I thought then it might just be a fling between us two, and 3 years later, we were married.  Funny how things happen in life.  I am very happy with my life.  Before I was living with roommates here and there and now we have a home, 4 cats and 8 fish.  Never thought I would be as blessed as I am.  I do sometimes miss my freedom, not for chasing guys, but for just going where I want when I want and not telling anybody.  Things like that.  I include my husband in most things that I do.  Now to the sad part..   Today I learned that one of the guys I used to date had died in a car crash about a year and a half ago.  When I met my now husband I decided then that I would take any exes off of my social media accounts.  He didn't tell me to or anything, I decided to do that just because exes are exes, right?   This particular ex, I had taken off a long time ago but he requested my friendship about 2 years ago.  I just ignored the request.  Thats why I never knew he had passed. The thing is,  he was the first guy that I fell completely in love with.  He was much younger than me though, and I really knew things between us wouldn't last on a romantic level.  I think that he did care for me, just completely on a friend level.  I just did'nt give it a chance after I met my husband.    I let the past be the past and that was it.  Today, I woke up thinking about my ex, after a rather hot dream.  I thought I hadn't heard anything from him for any time and I decided to look him up.  I thought the hell with the ex thing on social media.  Anyway, thats when I saw he had no activity on any of his accounts since 2013.  I thought wtf? I googled and then I saw the obitiuary and the news articles about the crash.  He died on Thanksgiving day.   How sad.  I hope his mom is doing the best she can.  He was an only child, I can not imagine what shes been through.  Nice lady though.  When I saw all this, my heart has been heavy all day. I've been tearing up all day from time to time.  I took him for granted, I really did.     I know there is still a place in my heart for him.  I feel terrible that I ignored his request and he probably thought I didn't like him or something.  I hope wherever he is, he now knows that I liked him just fine, I even still love him.   I'm sorry he had to die so young and leave a promising future behind.   I do cherish all the fun times we had together and will never forget him.  I sure hope that tomorrow is a better day and I can move on with the memory of my dear friend who I love and miss.