Lost

I am literally a lost soul. I am the epitome of a never ending black hole, I don't really understand what this is that I'm going through. I have so many things going for me. I am currently a college student on the deans list constantly, I am successful, I have friends but am never happy. I cry, I do drugs, I drink...binge drink. I drink to get drunk, to get giggly as fuck and have a good time because what fun is being sober. I don't drink a lot, but when I do, its go big or go home. In the past year I've tried drugs I told myself I never would. Acid, cocaine .,..why do I do thins to myself? because frankly I just don't care anymore. I have problems, I know I do. This is evident. I've been through so much bullshit in my life that I don't give a damn whether I live or die at this point. I cry and I cry and it gets me no where. I am in college, I am successful, I am smart, I have friends. I should be happy? Fuck being happy because I'm over it. I'm over being sad too. Now, I'm just numb....wish that was an "I'm feeling" option.