My Life

You know this past 13 month's has just been a living nightmare and so it continues,No matter how many pro-con list I make about Tennessee versus Mississippi,nothing makes me feel the way I do when I hear my little neices and nephews on the phone (in MS) telling me they love me.I am missing them growing up,I miss my family (blood and extended)so much.I know it is better for my 16 year old here in TN but I am miserable,I can't find a job (ok,that would be a problem there as well)All we have is this trailer that will never get done,and as I said in other journals,here it is all about the money,no matter how good friends you are everyone here has their hand out,yea I could get free help in MS from the family,and even though I know that the love of my life is in heaven,and a grave is just a place where his body is,still I would like to be able to take flowers to the grave more than twice a year, I may just stay here till may when Courtney finishes the 10th grade,fix this place as good as I can so maybe I can sell it for what I got in it and that would give me money to put down on something cheap there. That also would give me time to see how much it will cost to move and try to save some money up for that.decisions are a lot harder without Pat around to help make them.