bad day......

today was my first day back to school after spring break....i got to school and realized that i forgot to put on jewelry and immediately i knew that i was gong to have a bad day.....my OCD jumped ahead....and i had a pretty crappy day.....today we had a guest speaker....she is blind and deaf and so we were showed how to interpret for deaf blind consumers and different things to do and stuff....SO for lunch our teachers paid for jimmy's john's and said that we were going to be deaf and blind....we put earplugs in our ears and then we were blindfolded.....a teacher came and would sign and ask us what we ordered for lunch and then we would sit down....well as soon as i was asked what i ordered i freaked....i mean i had freaked as soon as i was blindfolded....i couldn't see ANYTHING!!!!!!! i had flashbacks of the rape and at one point someone brushed my elbow and i crunched down in my sight thinking, "make yourself a smaller target" thinking that my rapist could possibly be there or something.....i'm nearly in tears by the end and there is a teacher there who knows about all my mental health issues and she lightly touched my arm and i jumped......i could tell it was her because i could feel her nails.....she has artificial nails....i almost sighed with relief....she said that i could take off my blindfold and i ripped it off and i almost had tears in my eyes.....i mean seriously....i almost had a panic attack....i felt my heart racing, and i could feel my breath getting short and i could feel the words wanting to come out fast and my legs itched and i wanted to get up and walk in a circle....that's what i usually do when i have a panic attack, but i didn't do anything, i just started signing to the girl across from me.....then today i got sick from the lunch that i had-i didn't get what i ordered....but i couldn't understand what was being signed to me-and then on the walk to my car i twisted my ankle...the one that's already sore....the one that already has a problem...the one that i twisted earlier......this day was just baaaaaaaad