interesting..........

i've been thinking about the past a lot....not too much, just a little bit.....and i think about when i was in high school and we talked about self injury and i thought i would never do that....when we talked about people getting raped i thought that that would never happen to me....and when we talked about eating disorders-and even about a ayear ago-i thought i would never develop one....and look where i am today.....raped twice at 18, self injuring, having problems with my ED, have a personality disorder, on so many meds. i can barely keep them straight etc. etc.....i never thought i would ever be this way....not really upset or angry about it....i've accepted that this is who i am and i love myself, but i wonder who else feels this way....i mean when you're young you never look at yourself in the mirror and say,"i'm gonna be someone who has suicidal impulses when i grow up..." or "i'm gonna be in the hospital inpateint 9 times in 3 years.." you just don't...when you're young you don't really think about these things....and i feel awful for my parents....i mean what parent looks at their child and thinks that they'll probably grow up with all this crap....i've accepted the fact that my kids will probably have asthma and be at risk for depression.....and i know that when they are growing up that i will smother them with love and that i will watch for the symptoms of depression and make sure that they know that it'll be okay...