depressed............

so i was talking to my friend and she's going on this vacation on friday so on saturday i'll be at work with 2 others girls-maybe 3 if our boss can find a sub-and i know that i'll be doing most, if not all, of the work.....because i know that these other girls don't do the work, so i know that i'll be going crazy a stuff....and this friend got a 4.0 this semester in school and she's gonna go to the city next year to continue her education....and that's where i get depressed....i'm 21 and she's 18....and she's got all this great stuff going for her!!!!! she's doing so well!!!! i'm so happy for her and i just want her to be happy, but why do I hafta struggle with all this crap??? i'm older than her, i'm supposed to be able to handle this stuff...instead i get stuck with self injury and restricting and hospitlizations and mental health issues.....i want her to be happy and i want her to do well and i know she will, but i don't understand why MY life was the one to get ruined.....and my parents went to a party today-i couldn't go since i didn't have a ride and since i had work-and they were telling me about how my cousins are doing and everything and, again, they're younger and they're doing better than me!!!!! i wonder where i get all this crap from and i get so depressed......people who should be learning from me and people that i want to protect and everything aren't learning what they should do, but what the SHOULDN'T do......i'm the perfect of image of how you DON'T want your life to turn out....God, i fucking hate myself.....