Another day

Hello, journal. Just thought I'd let you know I am still hanging in here. Since my last entry, I have decided not to visit as much anymore because most of the people that I used to talk to seem to have faded away. I just sit back and read the new discussions and go about finding things to do around the house. Still unemployed, was supposed to go to a second interview Monday but, they only promised ten hrs. a week. That would have probably been every Saturday and Sunday and I am not willing to miss out on the time with Wayne and my "aquaintances" for a paycheck that would do very little to help with the bills. I could clean a house, or something in about four hrs. and make that much. Yesterday I cut my grass, visited with my elderly neighbor, fixed my leaky faucet and piddled around home. I am so amazed that by checking sites, I was able to save some money and repair that irritating dripping faucet myself! I have to pat myself on the back cause there's no one else around to do it! Today, I am planning to clean my vehicles, decorate my house for Halloween, and put new wires on my stereo so I can listen to some music on my "ancient" turntable. I am so looking forward to the decorating because I have accumulated new stuff and the neighborhood kids love my house this time of year. As always, I'm still thinking of my Dad every minute and somehow managing to make it through each day without him. Besides staying busy and talking to my animals, there is not much else to do. I can't seem to find anyone to talk to. My luncheon date has still not happened and at this point, I really don't care. Some people just say things to hear their brain rattle, and have no intention of actually doing what they say. I feel so isolated from the world yet I know I will be okay. The only person I can really, truly count on is my Dad. He seems to give me that little push every time I think about giving up. I know in my heart my life has a purpose and I will keep searching for what it is. But for the moment, I'll continue to do what I can, even if I have to continue doing that all alone. The one thing I know is missing is human contact but, I refuse to beg and plead with anyone to make time for me. I have tried my best to reach out to people and it has gotten me nowhere. I will not let it bring me down anymore. It 's not my fault, and I won't take the blame for something, which I cannot control. I have every intention of going out this weekend but don't know where I'll end up. Wayne wants to go to the Eagles, and my brother has invited us to join he and his girlfriend Tammy, at the American Legion. I want everyone in one place but am a bit leary of that because of the "friction" between Wayne and my brother. I know my brother is the "alcoholic instigator" and Wayne has been pushed to the limit by his cruel, hurtful words. I care for them both but maybe it will be better for them not to be around each other. It would deeply upset me to be in the middle of "war" between the two people that matter the most to me. I'll keep hoping things will work out but judging from the past, I'm on pin and needles each time we're all together. Whatever will be...Thanks journal for being here. How sad that you seem to be my best and only friend! You will suffice and I'll make due with what I have. Let the new day begin!