again!
first of all Thanks to toto and i am not offended in the least, in fact i am so very appreciative of the support and caring. this is such a long hard road. my husband is a man who does hear the message unless it is LOUD and clear. he was doing well but for whatever reasons stopped his cymbalta and went back to vodka.... i have known for several weeks, but decided bide my time..... knowing that soon he would be at the very obvious place where lying and denial would be impossible. so last night was that night. i was angry for many reasons. i am allowed. we had the usual go-round, and when he stated with the same old-same old i simply asked him to leave. he has the right to choose his own path but not the right to choose for me. i am trying to get healthy, rebuild a relationship and find a peaceful life. i seem to be working on this alone. i cannot do it this way with him.
due to financial reasons my husband cannot simply leave (although i made it quite clear that this was my preference). i told him i was very uncomfortable with the current situation and i needed my space, so told him to move into the spare bedroom. he said " i want to sleep in my own bed" and " i belong in the bed with you" REALLY?????? so I will be redecorating the spare bedroom just the way i like it and will move in there myself. next week i have an appointment with a lawyer. i will give AH 6 months, then i will reconsider the relationship and file the papers if i so choose.
he slept on the couch last night, but i awoke to find him in bed snoring away this morning, so at 5:15 am when i got up for work on went the lights while i got myself ready for work (usually i creep around in the dark and dress downstairs so he can sleep). Life at my house is about to change. this time we do it MY way or he can leave.
This might SOUND harsh to some of you but it is my way of firmly reestablishing boundaries. and all within the scope of things i have learned in therapy, al-anon and here at DS. thanks for listening.
gotta go check 2 classes for head lice now..... lol actually looking forward to it , it is such a small issue in the greater picture.
due to financial reasons my husband cannot simply leave (although i made it quite clear that this was my preference). i told him i was very uncomfortable with the current situation and i needed my space, so told him to move into the spare bedroom. he said " i want to sleep in my own bed" and " i belong in the bed with you" REALLY?????? so I will be redecorating the spare bedroom just the way i like it and will move in there myself. next week i have an appointment with a lawyer. i will give AH 6 months, then i will reconsider the relationship and file the papers if i so choose.
he slept on the couch last night, but i awoke to find him in bed snoring away this morning, so at 5:15 am when i got up for work on went the lights while i got myself ready for work (usually i creep around in the dark and dress downstairs so he can sleep). Life at my house is about to change. this time we do it MY way or he can leave.
This might SOUND harsh to some of you but it is my way of firmly reestablishing boundaries. and all within the scope of things i have learned in therapy, al-anon and here at DS. thanks for listening.
gotta go check 2 classes for head lice now..... lol actually looking forward to it , it is such a small issue in the greater picture.
Replies
Head lice lol! I do understand. Boundaries are necessary for all of us. It sounds like you have worked very hard to find out what your boundaries are and it is not an easy road to recovery for any of us.
Sometimes anger is an impetus to get me moving but I can not let anger only be my guide. I have found myself totally deflated once the anger faded and I wasn\'t sure what I wanted after that.... I have had to be sure that whatever course I wanted was really the result I was willing to live with. Recovery is a journey not a destination.
love & peace to you!
i understand the anger issue all too well and it has been a major obstacle in my therapy and recovery. i used to feel deflated and drained and guilty and unworthy of the opportunity to be heard. bit i have learned that sometimes,not always, being angry and expressing it is ALLOWED and not at all inappropriate. my AH spent many years manipulating my feelings and turning all things around to be my fault, i am learning to find my voice and try to use it appropriately. this was one time i needed to let it go. afterwards i actually felt better and at peace, instead of my usual guilty and miserable.
You were the smart one because you got into counseling! I\'m sorry you\'re dealing with a relapse and this detachment, too. I have so many conflicting feelings - I wouldn\'t miss the lies, drama, money issues, etc but I also see a broken person and can see the potential from what I knew of them before the addiction. I think the boundaries are necessary though so I know you\'re doing the right thing. I\'ll keep your situation in my prayers.