thoughts

two thoughts today anger and happiness.  i asked my therapist "where do i put all this anger?"  i loved her answer: she said you feel it, recognize it, allow it, understand that it is a justified emotion, the only way out is to go through it. (since my main goal in treatment at this time is to keep my growing mean streak under control, i then have to put my anger to rest in a nondestructive way) some tools:  talk therapy, trusted friend, exercise, activities i enjoy away from hubby and my crazy but quite effective trick of sitting in my car (windows up) in the parking lot at the beach ranting into my turned off cell phone. lol; when it gets too hot in there i get out and stroll the beach.
okay now about happiness.......um.......alright, so damn it! i have wasted too much life letting hubby's stuff (all of it) control me. does not lend itself to happiness.  too much thinking about his stuff, too much worrying about it, wasted time trying to help, support etc.   not happy activities. the world does not seem perfect and life is hard at best, but happy things are not out of my reach i just need to choose. tools:friends!!!!!! hobbies, adventures. listen to rockin' music in the car and singing real loud instead of thinking,worrying, being mad etc. when feeling trapped or see a fight coming or when the energy feels bad, hit the road.... the library is a great refuge for me books quiet free. stop the GUILT. ya know what, if and when it is time to leave for good i will know it. and it will be okay.