UGH.
Today was my wedding anniversary. I didn't deal with it very well. Didn't help that I put on Adele on my CD player so I didn't have to listen to election stuff today, and I guess I never really noticed the words to her songs about breakups very much before. Strange thing is that last year, the anniversary didn't bother me... I guess I was just too angry. This year it did. I just didn't feel like dealing with anything. All day long I kept thinking about the past... about where my future was going then, where it's going now, about choices I need to make, and yet I don't want to make them. I AM going to make them though... because things are changing.... no, I'M changing... and I just don't like change...
Work issues came up again today as well and I KNOW I need to deal with them... just don't want to. And I need to contact my financial advisor and get my plan worked out soon, VERY soon. I need to start focusing on my future, get enrolled in those real estate classes NOW. Because it's becoming obvious that my time at my current job is ending. No, not getting fired... just that my dissatisfaction is growing and at such a fast rate, that I need to be prepared for when it's time to leave, especially if I plan to hang onto the rest of that inheritance money.
And yet, I procrastinate again.... too lazy to get started. Darn emotional swings.... I like being alone - I miss him... I like my job - I don't like the person I have to work directly with... I need to move forward with my future - it's too much of a permanent change... Darn it, it's more of that reorganizing thing I started doing this weekend and I'm back to where it's overwhelming and HARD. (Telling myself) I'VE GOT TO LET GO.... (telling myself again) Ok tonite is a night off - TOMORROW, I start getting ready. Well, at least I got one thing done - walk night with my friend and a 2nd one with my muttleys... I've lost a dress size (no pounds though) just doing that alone this week - a good side effect from my uncle's visit (he got us walking 3 times a day so the dogs wouldn't drive him crazy). Oops yawning... time for some sleep so I can try to workout in the morning - that ALWAYS makes me feel better. LATER!
Work issues came up again today as well and I KNOW I need to deal with them... just don't want to. And I need to contact my financial advisor and get my plan worked out soon, VERY soon. I need to start focusing on my future, get enrolled in those real estate classes NOW. Because it's becoming obvious that my time at my current job is ending. No, not getting fired... just that my dissatisfaction is growing and at such a fast rate, that I need to be prepared for when it's time to leave, especially if I plan to hang onto the rest of that inheritance money.
And yet, I procrastinate again.... too lazy to get started. Darn emotional swings.... I like being alone - I miss him... I like my job - I don't like the person I have to work directly with... I need to move forward with my future - it's too much of a permanent change... Darn it, it's more of that reorganizing thing I started doing this weekend and I'm back to where it's overwhelming and HARD. (Telling myself) I'VE GOT TO LET GO.... (telling myself again) Ok tonite is a night off - TOMORROW, I start getting ready. Well, at least I got one thing done - walk night with my friend and a 2nd one with my muttleys... I've lost a dress size (no pounds though) just doing that alone this week - a good side effect from my uncle's visit (he got us walking 3 times a day so the dogs wouldn't drive him crazy). Oops yawning... time for some sleep so I can try to workout in the morning - that ALWAYS makes me feel better. LATER!
Replies
We all have \'those\' days. We will make it.
You wrote \"I like being alone....I miss him\" in the same sentence. COMPLETELY understandable hon! The connections - the actual physical synapses in our very brains I believe - have not lessened yet. But they will. Tis August would\'ve been my 25th anniversary, a special celebration, a milestone, that most married people look fwd to. But he left me and told my about the ow 10 days before our 24th and we had just spent hundreds of dollars (non-refundable!) booking a romantic inn as part of a trip...oh well, his loss!!!!
You are doing GREAT on your own. Imagine all the decisions you have made without his input....and was his opinion that helpful anyway lol!
You\'ve lost a dress size? That\'s super! from your journals, it seems like all you ever do besides work is walk and hike so I\'m surprised you have anything to lose :) Hugs of support, and enjoy the life that belongs to you. And if you want it, really want it, you will have love and companionship in your life again. But you have to live the life you want first...I truly believe this. And I\'m aiming for this goal myself!
Wow, I\'m sorry. Anniversary. yes, UGH.
I understand not liking change. I hate it too. I just don\'t roll with it well... even when there is every indication that that\'s the way I need to go.
SCREW weighing yourself! You can pack on muscle and get a lot thinner. Go with how your clothes fit (congratulations on loosing a dress size), and how you look and feel!
Big big ((hugs)). I can so identify with so much of this and the yoyo emotions.
That is happening to me right now too. Also the job situation thing. I know I need to make a change, but can\'t seem to get it together either.
I know it doesn\'t solve it for you, but I hope it helps to know you are not alone in what you are going through.
Anniversaries...hmmm. I was glad when I wasn\'t there, because he always started an argument on our anniversary. Said it was an occasion to \"reflect on his life\" and he was never happy about his life and you know whose fault that was. UGH. Now, I have no emotion at all about it, just another day.
And work, OMG, I wish I felt like I could get another job, but I\'m 61...and 3 1/2 years from retiring, so I just put up with the ridiculous unfairness and unpleasantness of it all. Good luck with the real estate, you will be good at it.
You did good to drop a dress size...you\'re getting fit, and doing yourself so much good. The scale is only one way to measure, and not always the most important.