FEAR
Ok, this is so stupid.... I KNOW that the reason I'm feeling this is because of how my marriage ended (the rose colored glasses thing). And I KNOW that the reason I feel fear is because I'm having to rely on myself to see this through - and in doing so, I do something MAJOR, just for me.
I've agreed to do the Transformation Challenge (a fitness challenge) for the next 12 weeks, starting today. I'm going to have to focus on exercising and eating right completely - and I've done it before, so I know I can do it again - but this time feels different. I'm so afraid of FAILING. Crazy doubts go through my head whenever I think about it... like the weight's not going to move despite all the work I'm going to do... like I'm going to freak out and cave in to junk food because I'm going to get bored (which is silly, because I definitely won't get bored with all the recipe choices out there - get to play with cooking some more, lol.) And am I ready to stand strong emotionally when the ice cream blizzard cravings hit?
The truth is, that all of this just makes me feel alone. Because in the past, the X would fake his support, which would make me feel like I could accomplish anything. And this time, there's ME.... just ME. I guess this is another step? One where I dig deep, prove myself worthy to myself, follow through because I have to? Because staying in the same condition as today's before photos (and no, you can't see them, lol) is NOT an option.
Ok, enough of that.... Today, I went mountain biking for 53 minutes - tough hill, up to the singletrack but not beyond due to snow. Matched my time for last year (YES!) and had a great ride. Got home, did some shopping, pulled out the shovel and the rake and got my garden ready - I can't believe that I was in SHORTS today! 70 degrees in MARCH in the Black Hills! Not a good sign for our water tables though - the ground was dry, bugs were out. Then once I got the back yard as set as I was planning, I fired up the grill for a burger - and dropped the burger through the grill and onto the hot coals. EEWWWW. So I ate some pizza (2 slices, 330 calories, lol).
I've got 7 dogs at the house right now - we're having a doggie sleepover until tomorrow. And they didn't nap today so they're already crashed. LOVE IT, lol! Tomorrow they go home around noon... and it's supposed to be 70 degrees again. I see another bike ride and maybe an afternoon hike with my dogs coming up... and chicken is on the menu for dinner so I'm going to be right on track for Day 2 of the challenge as well.
Well, I'm off to bed... getting as tired as the dogs look and can't think straight anymore - maybe they'll let me sleep in tomorrow (at least until 6am, lol). LATER!
I've agreed to do the Transformation Challenge (a fitness challenge) for the next 12 weeks, starting today. I'm going to have to focus on exercising and eating right completely - and I've done it before, so I know I can do it again - but this time feels different. I'm so afraid of FAILING. Crazy doubts go through my head whenever I think about it... like the weight's not going to move despite all the work I'm going to do... like I'm going to freak out and cave in to junk food because I'm going to get bored (which is silly, because I definitely won't get bored with all the recipe choices out there - get to play with cooking some more, lol.) And am I ready to stand strong emotionally when the ice cream blizzard cravings hit?
The truth is, that all of this just makes me feel alone. Because in the past, the X would fake his support, which would make me feel like I could accomplish anything. And this time, there's ME.... just ME. I guess this is another step? One where I dig deep, prove myself worthy to myself, follow through because I have to? Because staying in the same condition as today's before photos (and no, you can't see them, lol) is NOT an option.
Ok, enough of that.... Today, I went mountain biking for 53 minutes - tough hill, up to the singletrack but not beyond due to snow. Matched my time for last year (YES!) and had a great ride. Got home, did some shopping, pulled out the shovel and the rake and got my garden ready - I can't believe that I was in SHORTS today! 70 degrees in MARCH in the Black Hills! Not a good sign for our water tables though - the ground was dry, bugs were out. Then once I got the back yard as set as I was planning, I fired up the grill for a burger - and dropped the burger through the grill and onto the hot coals. EEWWWW. So I ate some pizza (2 slices, 330 calories, lol).
I've got 7 dogs at the house right now - we're having a doggie sleepover until tomorrow. And they didn't nap today so they're already crashed. LOVE IT, lol! Tomorrow they go home around noon... and it's supposed to be 70 degrees again. I see another bike ride and maybe an afternoon hike with my dogs coming up... and chicken is on the menu for dinner so I'm going to be right on track for Day 2 of the challenge as well.
Well, I'm off to bed... getting as tired as the dogs look and can't think straight anymore - maybe they'll let me sleep in tomorrow (at least until 6am, lol). LATER!
Replies
I am soooooo with you! I started today my own sort of challenge. I got the fitness pal app and I am keeping up with my calories consumed as well as my exercise. Exercise is never a problem for me. I love it!! Eating, well that is a problem so stay in touch with me and together we can do this!!!!
SO GREAT TO SEE YOU DOING IT TOO!!! Well, weight training is on hold - pulled a muscle in my back when trying to corral the dogs for breakfast. But, at least I can still bike today and I get all my injuries out of the way in the beginning of the challenge, lol!
It\'s great to have a goal. Stick with it. BUT MAKE CERTAIN TO CHEAT AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK.
I\'m very serious, you must eat those treats. Once I allowed myself to eat crap when I wanted things really went right. I also just kept getting back up on the horse if I went over board and then next thing you know it was my lifestyle (to eat well and exercise). YOU CAN DO THIS.
Thanks, Bean! Did one of those treats last night - and couldn\'t finish it! I\'ve decided that when biking season comes, I\'ll do it on the day where I burn 10,000 calories out in the forest (5+ hour bike rides).. I\'ll have earned it, lol.