(Sigh)

I live in this house we built together, everything I see reminds me of him. I promised him I would try and stay here, he loves it and wanted me to have a safe haven. I hate it without him..I can't turn around without bumping into a memory..I want to go home to New York, just walk away from all the memories, I know I can't do that..this is our place, our things, things he worked so hard for and was so proud of. I just want to toss it all and run home... Oh my God, I just can't do this!!                               I Know In a few minutes this wave of panic will pass. I'll calm down, maybe even smile if someone calls, but....I just sit and wait for the next wave of grief comes crashing in..This is a living hell! He's only gone 3 weeks and 6 days, and I can't take anymore.....Tomorrow may be easier..maybe at least the next few minutes will be...