(Sigh)
I live in this house we built together, everything I see reminds me of him. I promised him I would try and stay here, he loves it and wanted me to have a safe haven. I hate it without him..I can't turn around without bumping into a memory..I want to go home to New York, just walk away from all the memories, I know I can't do that..this is our place, our things, things he worked so hard for and was so proud of. I just want to toss it all and run home... Oh my God, I just can't do this!! I Know In a few minutes this wave of panic will pass. I'll calm down, maybe even smile if someone calls, but....I just sit and wait for the next wave of grief comes crashing in..This is a living hell! He's only gone 3 weeks and 6 days, and I can't take anymore.....Tomorrow may be easier..maybe at least the next few minutes will be...
Replies
It\'s been six weeks Monday for me. I feel the very same. We built our home and all the memories are here. They make me happy but also very sad. I am having a pity party of one today. I hope I can stay here for many years, but for sure I will stay at least one year or perhaps longer if the economy doesn\'t improve and can\'t get a good price for the house. I think I should move closer to my family but then I wonder if I would feet any better there.
CarolinaDi , it\'s a comfort to know that someone else, you, are having the same feelings. It\'s not easy for us. I keep hoping that there will really be a light at the end of this grieving. However, I can\'t imagine every not grieving for my husband. Yes, hoping this pity party will only last the day, this time anyway.
My brother is staying with me for a while, and he\'ll say \"Diane, yesterday you seemed a little better, but today your depressed again...you should be feeling better now.\".I say to him \"I will never feel any better, I just cope better on some days then others..I hate being this way, I hate this feeling, if I could fix it GD I would, but I can\'t. I\'m helpless to the tears and emotions! He should be here, I miss him, I need him. I can\'t talk to him..I can\'t touch him, ever again, and so, I WILL NEVER be better..I do am having a pity party for 1 today!
Hi Di...I\'ve been on this road for 8 months now...and the grieving started as soon as I knew there was not going to be a cure for Mike. I know that if I didn\'t have my faith and KNOW without a DOUBT that Mike is now enjoying all the wonders of heaven, I would be more of a basket case. I truly believe alot of my peace with this comes from just knowing that he is now healthy.
However, there are still times of just crying...like today when I was brushing my teeth and remembered how just about every day Mike would tell me how pretty I was, or how good a cook I am or any of the little things that no one tells me now...well, people still tell me I\'m a good cook, but not the way he would..
And at 3 weeks out, I was usually crying myself to sleep every night. Plus it was Christmas 3 weeks after Mike died (Dec3)...so I was REALLY crying...
All this to just tell you it will get better...maybe not as quickly as some people think it should...but it will. It will just be a different kind of better. When you love someone so greatly, it is only normal to have great grief. Be kind to yourself...and your brother probably really WANTS you to be better because it hurts him to see you so sad...such a difficult road for our loved ones to watch us be so sad...
As I say now \"let the tears fall where they may\"...I\'m never too far from tissues! Hugs tonight...Jill
I\'m with Carol on this issue. I have done some redecorating also and am making the place that Rodger loved my own. It has been 13 months since I was left alone to make these decisions and I didn\'t do anything right away but now i am happy with my decision to stay in the home that was ours for so long. You are so new to this journey that you need to take baby steps into your future. Don\'t make any drastic changes in your life yet. Hugs Diane