it is monday morning. my resolve is still strong as are my guilt and shame. I hope this time my resolve outlasts my guilt and shame. I hate hang overs, i hate the feeling of being drunk, i hate how many cigarettes i smoke when i drink. i hate going against God's word. i listened to praise music on the way to work this morning. I want to stay sober.
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Wow. That is heavy. I had to completely hit rock bottom before I could recognize my feelings and talk about it. I had to hit the absolute bottom. I can now look back and put $75,000 into perspective. I can now look back and realize that I became a raging, unstoppable, and possessed compulsive gambler. It has almost caused my ruin and my own demise. I like how one guy put it, \"My gambling almost cost me my Family, Home, Job and my life. Was one day away from losing my soul.\" He found his soul before he took his life. That is rock bottom and the only way is up. It has been a tough 23 days for me, but I see it as the start of recovery (because there is no cure.)