baby can't drink.. he is on vicoden getting ready for back surgery. i on the other hand have had 6 beers and 17.5 milliograms of vicoden tonite. i have eaten, can't really tell a difference. i hope i don't die. i do believe in Jesus, and i am a kind and good person. but.... will he accept into His kingdom if i am there because i drank too much and took drugs i did not need just to feel calm enogh to go to sleep??????????????????????????????????????????????i wonder if maybe i do these things because sleep before, when i was a kid, always meant waking up to sexual abuse. well, not always... but enough.or if it is just because.i wish so much i felt comfortable in my own skin, but so much i don't. it is ok if i am at work or am busy, but left by myself,   well, unless i am very busy or doing something .....i cannot sit and watch tv unless i am very sick or very hung over.. even most times when i am hung over i feel guilty so much, that i get up and clean or cook or something.what good am i unless everything is clean and smelling good? or if my husband is not happy.. what good am i?where does one find their self worth? i know i am perfectly and wonderfully made according to scripture, but what is it that keeps me from being comfortable in my own skin?i always gotta have noise.. my tv is always on, tho i don't watch it..how is it possible to have sooooooo much faith in my God Yawew.. my Father,, Abbaand His precious Holy Sonand have no problem speaking of my faith and showing joy & love and kindness and helpfulnessand then being so freaked out by the thought of  being alone?