I was at the point of death today. I dont know how ill get through the rest of life if it is as bad as it has been the first half. I thought when i could get through some stuff, while all i could do was try to stay alive and count the three feet in front of me, that i might not have to go through these battles that take every ounce of what i am to overcome. Im getting to old, and my mind is getting worse n the meantime.
Im weak and tired and these battles are starting to become more and more meaningless. 
What have i done so wrong to get this trouble. Other people just float cmpared to me. If i was not tortured i would have been happy, responsible, healthy, good hearted. As it is I'm like garbage. My mind is anyway.