Torn
Yesterday:
I am truly happy lately. I seem to want to shift my emotions to the negative for some reason though. My mind is not use to happy. It feels weird and uncomfortable in this place for too long. I am resisting as much as I can to not go to those dark places in my mind. I am trying not to sabotage this time and moment of bliss.
It is a bit surreal like those little cartoon characters the devil and the angel who sit on either shoulder. My little devil wants so bad to win! He pokes me to remind me he is still there and will never leave my side. He beckons me to come play with him, for he is where excitement and danger is. Like a child he won’t let me be. He demands the attention! Poke, poke, poke until I give in with annoyance and anger. He giggles at this, for he knows anger is what he desires. I truly am not ignoring the fact that he sits on my shoulder but, I wish he would just sit still and be quiet for a bit. I so enjoy my time with the angel who makes things bright and happy. She takes me away from troubles and sooths my pains. She gives me hope and makes me smile. She is patient and does not demand attention. I wish she would demand it. I wish she would fly around me fluttering her wings while I am consumed by the other. I want to be with her for awhile longer and get to know her better.
Back and forth I am torn with emotions. Yesterday was a battle between my inner personality and emotions. Some could say it was because of fatigue others might just say its hormones. It is neither nor, it is my personality coming out full force. It is me confused by whom I should give more attention to; my devil or my angel.
I am truly happy lately. I seem to want to shift my emotions to the negative for some reason though. My mind is not use to happy. It feels weird and uncomfortable in this place for too long. I am resisting as much as I can to not go to those dark places in my mind. I am trying not to sabotage this time and moment of bliss.
It is a bit surreal like those little cartoon characters the devil and the angel who sit on either shoulder. My little devil wants so bad to win! He pokes me to remind me he is still there and will never leave my side. He beckons me to come play with him, for he is where excitement and danger is. Like a child he won’t let me be. He demands the attention! Poke, poke, poke until I give in with annoyance and anger. He giggles at this, for he knows anger is what he desires. I truly am not ignoring the fact that he sits on my shoulder but, I wish he would just sit still and be quiet for a bit. I so enjoy my time with the angel who makes things bright and happy. She takes me away from troubles and sooths my pains. She gives me hope and makes me smile. She is patient and does not demand attention. I wish she would demand it. I wish she would fly around me fluttering her wings while I am consumed by the other. I want to be with her for awhile longer and get to know her better.
Back and forth I am torn with emotions. Yesterday was a battle between my inner personality and emotions. Some could say it was because of fatigue others might just say its hormones. It is neither nor, it is my personality coming out full force. It is me confused by whom I should give more attention to; my devil or my angel.
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