i actually want to die, to wake up and be far far away where people trust and food hasnt been invented bodies are beautiful and this horrible swirly wirly feeling inside of me disapears. where i dont have to take laxatives and diet pills in quanities that make my tummy curn and burn. i guess i dont want to dead and gone i just want to die.  ive got so fat that none of my clothes fit and i look disgusting, i dont want people to look at me. i dont want people thinking im disgusting i can be nice but not at the moment. my sister and the rest o fmy family think im a joke and ive ruined my life im a failure just one big failure.