I can’t do this anymore! Since ive given up laxatives ive pilled on the weight and I feel fat lardy and disgusting. Since ive given up laxatives ive give up laxatives ive not stopped eating, I can’t stop eating. I want to eat anything and everything in sight even though im not hungry. I feel ill coz ive eaten so much yet I still want to eat.  Im feeling really low but I can’t go hide coz my sister is staying so im suppose to be entertaining her. I want to stop eating and I want to cut again and I want my laxatives back. Monday im going to get some. It seems a waste of money coz I flushed loads down the toilet to get rid of them but now I want them back big time I can’t go on putting on weight. Im so lardy and fat and such a failure. I can’t do my jobs properly and I can’t keep off the weight. FAILURE!!! Ive been struggling with this for 12 years and I cant do it any more. I want it gone but I cant fight it anymore. Im so tired of this I don’t want to eat anything but I eat everything. I hate food. I hate what it does to me, I hate how it makes me feel when I do eat and when I don’t. I need to loose weight, I no I do coz my dad keeps telling me I do. I want out I don’t want to exist like this anymore but I don’t want to die. I want to be successful and I want to do well but I can’t. Im just a failure. I want my laxatives back. I want to be thin again. I want to be much thinner.  Im not coping so well……….. I think about what it would be like to cut really deep not that i would ever do that because a) id be way tooscaredd and b) i just dont have the energy to even scrape anymore. I think about overdoseing but i dont want to die. I think about over dosing on laxatives because that wouldnt be so dangerous and id just feel a bit ill but be ok.