Oh my goodness ive just had a stress! They were playing christmas songs on the radio and i felt totally unchristmasy like they were being played in the middle of summer! then i thought oh my goodness its just round the corner and i dont want it to come i really dont want christmas to come. i cant cope with the thought of christmas. ARGH im so fed up today. Im fed up with all the yummy food in my house that i cant throw away so i keep binging on it and my stomach hurts. im putting on weight because of it and im worried that i wont fit in to my new clothes soon! hopefully tomorrow i can go back dieting. THe doctor said i looked a lot better today but then she also said that she knew i had been eating because i had lost my yellow tougne and smelly breath! Im so cross with my job at the moment and cant cope with much more. I just want out of all this stress. Tomorrow im going to hide all my birthday chocolates so i forget about them and then go back to starving myself i hate food and having it in me. No one can hurt me if i dont let them. No one can tell me what to do or make me listen to them. If im not good enough then let them sack me. ARGH why am i so fat??? Why cant i just be healthy like everyone else i hate this i just HATE i want to say everything but i dont no what i Hate i just hate!!! Im just full of so much anger and no one is listening to me. People hear me but dont listen they dont take me seriously and think im just making a fuss. I just want to cry but im past the point of caring anymore. If my knife wasnt so blunt id scrape big time but its not very effective at the moment i need something more.  I want to curl up and just cry and cry and let it all out but i cant. Its funny hey i start eating and i cant stop but i want to cry to let out some sort of release and i cant but if i dont im going to flip out on someone unexpected and get into trouble big time more so than i already am. Please some one help me. I have no life left mo energy i just want to stay in bed and sleep the rest of the year away. I cant fight anymore. Im fed up of fighting fed up or trying to do better, get better and pleaseing other people. I cant do it anymore if they dont like it or dont think im capable then id rather they just say! I need to let steam big time!!! ARGH ARGH ARGH i want to .......ARGH ARGH ARGH