I cant sleep. i dont no why. Well i guess i do really. Im a bit worried about tomorrow. I have to tell everyone what ive been doing for the last 2 years and what im going on to do. People will be watching me and i will be up in front of everyone and then they will all be like ah isnt she a good girl doing lots of work. And ill be like please let me go as much as id like to say all that i want to say i would prefer to just send a letter or email and if you really knew all that i was you probably wouldnt let me carry on with my job and would hate me! Plus there is a social walk thing thats happening tomorrow afternoon that i think im suppose to be going to but recently i havent been feeling very social and the thought of spending the afternoon with lots of people worries me. I like all the people that will be going its just sometimes when im out like in town i suddenly realise that there are lots of people around that can see me and i start to feel clostrophobic and want to be home in my house where im safe. And if im on the walk i cant just come home people will strat to think im mad or that there is something wrong with me. (Well there is but i dont want them to know that!) but i cant explain to people why i dont want to go on the walk either coz i do want to go im just not sure and they wont understand. And the other reason is that my dad is coming to stop next weekend and im worried he might see my arms or that he will find out i SI. And this is the stupid part - I only really SI at nighttime and recently its been something ive needed to do every night. sometimes just to make sure i can still do it or because i need to feel something. but im working 3-11pm friday so i wont be able to SI coz by the time i get home ill be over it! then saturday my dad will be here and by the time he goes sunday i have to go to Kent to see my friend and wont get back til midnight so that will be saturday and sunday night either that or by the time sunday comes i will have gone mad with withdrawl!!! That will mean 3whole days without SI!!! I should be pleased that its happening like that then i could try and go the whole week but it really worries me that i will start getting irratable. I just dont feel sleepy and its gone 2am. I will be sleepy tomorrow. oh well.