I chose my job because it is diffrent everyday noting is the same. Well i have certain places i have to be at certain times so there is an eliment of routine and sameness but you can never predict what might happen. Over the summer holidays i have been doing a summer project with my job and love the fact that there is variety in my job but then yesterday i found myself thinking 'i cant wait to get back to routine and regualirity' which is really odd coz ive never been one to like routine! i like things to be spontanious, but at the moment Im really struggleing with things being different. I dont understand. and today coz i didnt really sleep well im really struggling with keeping up with stuff. Usually if i have a bad nights sleep i can just shake it off and everything will be fine but i feel sluggy and low and not very socialble which is totally not like me!!! Also its been nearly a week since i last self harmed and it suddenly occured to me that if i quit this i will never be able to harm again and although thats a good thing it also really scares me. Which is silly.