today ive been feeling better more energetic happier and looking forward to tomorrow. what i dont understand is that even tho i feel really ok one minute the next for no reason at all i feel really crap! I have atrted harming everyday again and was really pleased that yesterday i went a whole day without doing it and today ive not done it either yet but now all of a sudden i feel really low. when i got home this afternoon my house mate had drank all my fruit juice that i had only just bought this morning and now that wouldnt normally annoy me but its really made me cross and im still cross and it happened like 5hrs ago! its only juice whats the big deal? My rubber band broke today! hum not that it did any good i had to flick it really had for it to even tingle on my wrist which im guessing isnt gd coz now i have red marks on my wrist that have been there 2days now! oh well its given me an excuss to get rid of the damn thing! so what next? Im supose to be starting a new job in 3 weeks which im really excited about but they asked for a medical form and on it it  asked have you ever harmed urself well obviously i didnt say yes otherwise i wouldnt get the job but if they do a medical on me they will see the marks and then take the job off me for lieing! ive worked so hard for this job and it would be the end of the world if they found out. Im suppose to be going camping with the young people i work with next weekend which will be loads of fun but  im worried they will see my arms and there are communial showering coz its based in a school fied so its going to be a really tough weekend having to shower at midnight wen evey1 has gone to bed. Why did i ever start this again? I was walking along the canal earlier watching everyone in there strappy tops and summer clothes and i was in my long sleeve top boiling hot and i just wanted to scream coz ive got so many summery pretty tops that i cant wear coz im stupid and do stupid things! ive been wearing the same couple of tops for the last couple of months coz i cant wear winter tops and oh ''these are my favourite!'' blah blah blah