Polishing people skills!!!
I would like to share with you some notes I wrote after reading from my
self help book,in hopes that it will help others like it did me!!!
chapter 12 of my self help book,"Conquering Shyness and Social
Anxiety;Triumph over shyness" by Murray B. Stein, M.D. and John
R. Walker, Ph.D. --copublished with--THE ANXIETY DISORDERS
ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA.
Polishing Your people skills.
"Having good people skills--knowing how to act
and what to say in a variety of situations--can
be priceless( they got that right!!!). --almost
anyone can improve his or her level of social
proficiency. The goal being to hold your own
in social situations and feel good about the
experience."
This is what they recommend: Eye contact.
It is a critical part of interpersonal communication.
It is fairly easy to learn the rules, and with practice you can
become good at it which will enhances your social interaction
with others.
Show you are listening by saying uh-huh and nodding
your head.
SMILE OFTEN AT PEOPLE YOU MEET AND CONVERSE WITH,
BE A GOOD LISTENER.
Ask questions or make supportive comments to help the
person clearly describe his or her experience, feelings and
opinions.
APPROACHING OTHER PEOPLE AND INITIATIONG INTERACTIONS:
Practice initiating brief interactions in as many social situations as
possible. Saying good morning, waving to neighbours everywhere
you go. Brief comments made with a smile may increase your social
contacts and confidence.
In order to increase your comfort level in social interactions, do not
rush through interactions. Take your time say hello and respond.
This may mean persisting in the interaction longer than feels
comfortable but it will become easier with practice.
Small Talk: "small talk is like grease on the wheels of social interaction.
Even though the topics involved may not be terribly important, small talk
allows you to get conversations going. Small talk enables you to get to
know people before you tackle more important business. The ability to
make small talk is an essential part of being effective with people."
The Art of Conversation:
Recommended conversation starters: Family, Organizations, Recreation
and money( price of things, other
people's knowledge of things we
wish to purchase, charges or
changes to proceedures on doing things)
I hope you find this short list of suggestions for polishing social skills as helpful as
I did wishing you success, peace and friendship, Ida.
Replies
I\'ve always had trouble with eye contact. I don\'t know how others do it! I always look away, including friends and family. I feel uncomfortable when I feel people\'s eyes boring into mine and I can\'t wait to end the interaction. I\'ve never understood it. I\'ve practised what is written in this post too. If I\'m in the right, up-beat mood, looking into people\'s eyes seems a bit easier, but it really is difficult for me. I expect it\'s something most people never even think about or are aware of...
I have trouble looking into people\'s eyes too. It makes me so uncomfortable. I\'m afraid they\'re going to be able to see my fear in my eyes. I love your suggestions and attitude Ida. :)
Ida, this is very imformative, and i appreciate you taking the time to share this with us. :)
eye contact! oh my! yes, it\'s very challenging. i am trying more to make eye contact with people, and also, when i am speaking with someone, i find it hard, to keep making eye contact with them. i\'m trying very hard.
Your journals, really give me this boost, of fresh spirit, and confidence. i appreciate it. :)
Thank you :)
Ida,
Reading your journal entries ALWAYS rocks! I hope you are having a wonderful evening! I hope your family is doing well! Please take great care of yourself and yours! BIG peace to you!
Meg
Ida, thanks for the info. It all seems so scary and I can\'t even imagine trying to make eye contact on a regular basis. But it\'s so true and I think we have to hope and pray that we can do these things so we can live semi-normal lives.
Thanks again for sharing. You\'re a beautiful person for helping all of us!!!
Carol
Thanks for sharing this! Really important stuff, yes. I sometimes avoid the whole small talk thing - I guess I get scared of letting people in in case they hurt me. But, I know that normal social interaction with strangers / neighbours carries little risk of that, so I often have to just haul myself up and do it anyway. These tips are great - a reminder of how \'easy\' it \'should\' be! :-) Hope you\'re having a great weekend. Be well. x
Glad you are so positive at the moment, you\'re doing great, Take care xxx
Thanks - very good stuff. x
I guess I have trouble interacting with people because I am lacking in social skills-this list is very helpful to me. I know that eye contact is important and sometimes painful to do, but I try(I just feel so self-conscious when I do it).I am terrible with small talk and initiating conversations-sometimes I rely upon the same topics(like the weather or how a person is doing).I know also that people like to talk about what they are interested in, so if you know a person has a particular interest or hobby, they will often be willing to talk about that.