Another day in paradise (*sarcasm intended*)...each day induces another bitter, mental nauseousness...
I have been attending local bi-polar/depression support groups in an attempt to remind myself that there are others in similar levels of mental anguish; however they may be in even more dire life circumstances than me (jobless, physical ailments, abusive relationships, etc.) which makes me more guilt-ladened in comparison - after all, I have a steady job, housing, and can pay my immediate debts...they are at least trying to get better by making the best of their convalescense, including the support group...
I really suck at life; just can not seem to do any more to break this cycle of mental anguish that I continue to lament on; it will take insurmountable effort that either I do not have the fortitude, capacity, understanding, or ambition to make necessary changes; so I feel entrapped in my own circular misery - I realize expecting change without breaking the daily mental repitition is the epidime of insanity...right now I am marginally 'getting by' and that's just not satisfactory...passing time & wishing it would somehow accelerate so this seemingly pointless existence can expire...I am so frustrated!
I have been attending local bi-polar/depression support groups in an attempt to remind myself that there are others in similar levels of mental anguish; however they may be in even more dire life circumstances than me (jobless, physical ailments, abusive relationships, etc.) which makes me more guilt-ladened in comparison - after all, I have a steady job, housing, and can pay my immediate debts...they are at least trying to get better by making the best of their convalescense, including the support group...
I really suck at life; just can not seem to do any more to break this cycle of mental anguish that I continue to lament on; it will take insurmountable effort that either I do not have the fortitude, capacity, understanding, or ambition to make necessary changes; so I feel entrapped in my own circular misery - I realize expecting change without breaking the daily mental repitition is the epidime of insanity...right now I am marginally 'getting by' and that's just not satisfactory...passing time & wishing it would somehow accelerate so this seemingly pointless existence can expire...I am so frustrated!
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I have a lot of the same feelings too. Its not easy to get past the feelings of being stuck in a life of the endless cycle of depression. The one thing that helps me a lot is when i have all the negative thoughts that take over i try to challenge them and find the positives in my life. And i set small short term goals to work on the parts of my life that i am just not satisfied with at the moment.... i may not meet all the goals but it helps to look at the areas of my life i feel i need to work on.
these things may not work for everyone but its what works for me.... just wanted you to know youre not alone and so many people that struggle with bipolar deal with these things.
I really need a retreat; a spiritual renewal of some sort; trying to over-ride my pessimism seems mentally over-bearing right now...thanks for taking the time to read & interject your perspective
You said: \" I realize expecting change without breaking the daily mental repitition is the epidime of insanity\", I can\'t quite agree with you on that one.
The way I see it, the depression has \"paralyzed\" you so to speak. I say that only because that\'s how I feel and act. I\'m always doing the same things yet expecting a different ending.
No small wonder you\'re frustrated, kind of like sitting on the sidelines watching others having a good time.
A retreat of some kind, sounds like a great idea for you. One time, I walked out of here, went to a motel for just 2 days and came back feeling MUCH better than when I\'d walked out. Those two days, alone, away from everyone and everything were nirvana for me.
Tried to hang onto that feeling but it didn\'t last.
After your saying this, I would definitely attend one my own self. Thing being a person would need to find \"reputable\" one so to speak rather than one being done by what I call the \"snake oil\' operations that promise nirvana.
I really think you\'re onto something there and hope you will give it serious
consideration. I\'m assuming a job wouldn\'t be a problem in preventing you from doing something like that?
No matter what, you\'re definitely not alone!!!!
I think there has to be deliberate initiation on our part to break the inertia depression has on us; it takes consistant & considerable effort for it to be sustained...what fuels this effort is the question that I have...
Mal -- I can honestly say that I feel you express honestly what I feel a lot of the time -- including the frustration. Because we are similar in this way, I trust that there is a part of you which can grow and heal and voice the beauty and hope in life.
Is it possible that your son could accompany you on a sort of retreat -- visit to nature, the zoo or??? And I do hope when you speak of a retreat that it is that in the truest sense rather than a permanent exit from life. You must know that you would be missed and that you are valued and needed.
My retreat (in the truest sense) would be solitary, for reflection...
There are places a person can go to for that kind solitude and reflection.
That would require you to have the energy to look into finding one that would suit your needs.
Hope you will have that energy and are able to find a place away from everything around you now.
There is one in my state, I just can\'t bring myself to going, fear of what I may discover about myself prevents that. Already found out more than I wanted to inadvertently:(