Yesterday was so busy.  Went to clinical at a nursing home for my class.  Third one, two more to go.  Met alot of interesting people today.  Then took a test for the class.  Left there and went to work.  After work, went to my sons tennis game.  I was sitting there when ex came up from behind and asked me if I was ok.  I told him I was and then said he doesnt talk to me any other time so dont stand here and pretend like we do.  He said he had trouble with that.    He was dressed in a new expensive suit, strong calogne with arrogance pouring out of him.  He was attending a town meeting tonight about underage drinking.  I knew about that previously.  I told him I thought it it was funny he was attending that as he buys our kids Mikes hard lemonade to drink.  I called him a hippocrite (sp) and said that he thinks he has everyone fooled.  He said everyone but me, then said he didnt come over to be criticized and see ya later.  I just said if he didnt want criticism then just stay away from me.   Now, what bothers me most is my heart was racing.  I wait for the day when I can see him and my body has no response.  He has become everything I dont recognize or like.  He is not the man I have loved for so long.   I dont want to feel anything when I see him especially anger.  Right now, I need to work on letting go of anger and resentment I have towards him.  I am not exactly sure how to do that.  It shouldnt matter that he is spending money on new suits instead of the kids.  It shouldnt matter to me what he has become.  He shouldnt matter at all to me.  The three of us dont matter to him......I just have not become that kind of person....but I want to be that way when it comes to him.  He has tried to make this as difficult as he possible can, and still is every chance he gets. God, I just want to move on and let go of him.   He left before Wes even started to play.  One of my friends came over to talk to me.  I said to her - am I the only one around here that thinks he looks like a pimp?  She said I noticed that.  Now, this morning - why did I say that even though that is really what I thought.  The only thing missing were his two whores on his arm.  See what I mean?  Why am I doing this......I just want it to stop  already.....