I have felt so strong. I believe in my family (my and the kids). Saturday was HORRIBLE - I actually said to him you dont need to be so nasty. Today is Tuesday. I am running the kids everywhere, got home at 730 and am questioning myself like I have never done. He called me on the way home from my daughters thereapy for her back. She had practice first, picked her up, Wes had football practice, sister in law picked him up and he called to say Wes had left a bag there and he was at a store and to come get it. I was just leaving therapy for Sara so all ok. Got there, had to go in and pick up flowers for his mothers BDAY after we had a huge fight on Sunday becau it is my fault he does not see the kids. Not true....his choice, but mommy believes him without asking me. He is free to see them anytime. Went into the store, there he was. Checking out right next to the flowers. 10 feet away, I saw him, went to the flowers, he asked where Wes was....I could not even speak. After a long pause, Said with Michelle, sisterinlaw, then turned and looked at Wesleys bag in cart, focused on that and never looked up at him. Got bag, said thank you and walked away. Still did not look at him. He was done and I was waiting for Sara and watched as he walked away. I felt like I was watching what used to be my life walk away for the first time. He never looked back, not that I want that, but how does a man who has spent 23 years with someone change into someone you dont know. I cant believe I am so low. I dont know how I am going to do this by myself. Tomorrow I am off from work, and I am going to spend it doing a budget and making sure this will work. If not, I will have to sell the farm along with him and move on. He cant afford it and pay child support or comprimise somehow to make it work. I am just so lost tonight.......I am overwhelmed and just sad. I will be ok, just not tonight. I hope I awake...with my strength that has been with me, and confidence that I have had, and not allow him to make me doubt myself again. I cannot talk to him again, unless involving the children. I am sorry my friends..........I am just questioning everything about me.......what has happened, why has this happened, how could he do this to me and the kids....why after giving him over half of my life has this happened. Why can I still not believe this...it has been over 2 months. I am a smart strong woman, but not right now..............I dont want to start over, but I have to. How dare him take that from me........all we have worked for......Good God....what a horrible few days. Hopefully when I go to sleep will wake up like I was.....at least a believer in myself...guess I have fallen from strong. I will be ok...just not since Saturday and surely not tonight...........
Replies
Oh honey i\'m so sorry. I just want to put my arms around you and tell you it\'s going to be all right. I know it looks bleak right now. I had not found this site when I was feeling like that but believe me I did. It will get easier but you have to get through all the crappy stuff first. It\'s so hard when they shut you out like you never existed, I still feel that mine should be in bits when he sees me but he never has been. I think some men turn off their emotion so they don\'t have to face up to the damage they are doing. i wish we could turn ourselves on and off as easily. Life would be far easier to bear. I believe in you and know you will be strong again. You are allowed a few weak days every now and again. Stop being hard on yourself. You a are a wonderful Mum and have soldiered on for the kids, you need a little time out for yourself. Try and find some time to do something good, just for YOU. take care....love and a great big hug Alison xxxxxx
I know you are going through a hard time. I wish you could wake up and things be normal but I know it doesn\'t work that way. I just don\'t know how a man can cheat when he has a good woman at home. Its beyond me. I hope you feel better today.
Honey YOU are the strong one always have been. You have carried him on your shoulders for years & he broke down anyway. Time to set him down and walk away he is too heavy.
I am so sorry about all of this crap you have to deal with on top of everything else. Don\'t forget just take it one day at the time and keep doing what you are doing. your kids know or will know who was there for them.