WOW - I made it.  We got here (Delaware) yesterday.  What a long day.  Last night I drove into my old home town and saw my best girlfriend when I was growing up.  We have kept in touch over the years, but rarely get to see each other.  That was really good for me.  The kids went to the movies with my sister and her husband.  We are like 3 different people just being removed from the craziness of our current situation.  Nothing like a vacation to make you forget, at least for minutes at a time, the sadness.  Yesterday was the first day in two weeks that my body has not trembled with fear or anger or both.  That was  a blessing.  Tomorrow, we are going to Rehobeth Beach.  I grew up on this beach as a child.  My girlfriend, Linda, bought me a journal to write in when I am there.  She said to write whatever I felt like and at the end of our vacation I needed to throw it in the garbage and leave all of those feelings in the trash.  I am not sure If I should throw it away, or keep it, but I am sure when the time comes that I will know the right thing to do.  I wont be back home till next Sunday, and not sure when I am going to get the chance to write again.  I just wanted to thank everyone for their hugs and support and kind words.  You all lift me up and help me realize what is important - us!  me and the kids are the most important now.  Thank you for keeping me going.