Well, me and who used to be my husband, only legally my husband now just got back from the bank.  While continuing to use bad judgement he forced me to close all of our accounts and credit cards.  He has no idea that if he keeps up this shit, he wont even be able to buy anything in the future.  He has devestated me now, but I will recover.  I am just making sure that he does not take me with him on the slope he is on.  He has no remorse.  I just dont get it. What hurts me most is the fact that he has always been a great dad.  He has seen his children less than an hour total in the last two weeks.  I dont know if he has a hard time seeing them after what he has done or if he is really that sick with alcohol that he just doesnt give a damn. I dont know if it was a good idea or not, but at least now I have access to our equity should he stop paying his portion of the bills.  God knows I cant do that by myself. I just hope and pray that me and my children will be ok.  I am so devestated over them - it just makes me sick.  When we were leaving - he said he wanted to see the kids tonight.  I said, well you are their father - start acting like one because you sure have not been one to them when they needed you most.  So much damage he is doing to them.  I am an adult and cant understanding why all this is happening, how should I expect my kids to get it.  I will never forgive him for abandoning us like he has............he will have his wakeup call.  Our kids are so great.  They are smart and they know what their dad has done.  My son asked why dont you stop seeing her dad - his response?  I dont want to hurt hurt.  After the children went inside I told him to go ahead and let her love you for 23 years and take care of you for 23 years.  You are my best friend...you told me all the time we would grow old together.  Maybe I took that for granted, but I really dont think so.  I told him how dare he put the feelings of a women he met with b4 and after work, here and there, before the feelings of your children and me.  He is so hurtful.  I am just trying to tell myself that I will never understand what he has done and is continuing to do..........but I hate when I dont understand something.  Why couldnt he just tell me he wasnt happy and be a man and do it the right way.  Why has he done this to me and the kids....ok...I know...rant rant rant...but gosh do I feel better getting this out Me and the kids are getting ready for vacation today.  I would be lying if I told you it was easy to do that.  It is anything but.  My father in law, like a father to me, told me to put my game face on and have a good time............do they even know my pain?  No they dont....they are still married.  So am I, but not for long....I plan to file when I get back next week.  I guess I will have to plan the end of my marriage between working and taking care of the children....because I am the only one doing that now....I love them so.