oh...

Still more nightmares. One was sort of interesting, in that there was a wild cat in the house. It was almost all black, not with spots exactly ... but sort of like the puzzle pieces from a young child's puzzle ... no interlocks, the pieces just sit next to one another. The was a narrow border of white between the "pieces". The nightmare aspect of this was that I recognized that this cat, unique, even noble and graceful looking, was in reality a wild beast and would eventually show itself to be, through harming someone in the house. It obviously didn't belong and it was my responsibility to get it out. I'm still puzzled at the symbolism; why not a tiger or leopard or lion? Maybe the symbolism is sort of clear in the "unique" nature ... this being a problem "like no other" ... and maybe reflected in the cat nature: stealthy and springing from hidden places. It sure would fall into line with the things I have been dealing with ... haven't seen ANY self-help book that deals with what I have been or have been trying to "cope" with. And of course, I am the "lucky" one recognizing the problem; also reflective of the situation(s).
However, if all the professionals and authorities have not recognized the "problem" (which means "no help) I certainly don't know exactly how to deal with it. Sort of makes me feel like "David without a slingshot". The dream only identified the issue, it didn't get into the solving ... thanks, brain!
Had one last night; we were in the house before this one and there was a sort of statue going up ... made of big and cartoonish heads. A baby's head was one. There were others but I couldn't remember them. I do know that it was a statue of a serial killer and that it represented N. It was about a tall as the house (two stories). I know I seem to have had a series of nightmares, because of different themes and scenes; right now can't remember ... should have written them down, but recited them to my daughter, who was in the room when I woke up. So they probably will come back ...
but I am so bone tired that it is hard to think. I have been lately. Last night I fell asleep "early" from sheer exhaustion. Since my mind is working and I have had a lot of physical stuff to do lately, I am not surprised.I've heard of people collapsing or nearly so from such things. Maybe I will experience it. Time will tell. Not holding out hope of a hero (or heroine) these days.
Sort of weird to think of the police forcing the girls and me out, at gunpoint or via arrest, if "necessary" to fulfill a civil order ... yet they will not do so to fulfill a divorce decree. What type of thinking makes it okay in one situation, in favor of a bank, but not okay, in the case of people, at least one of whom the goal is to actively destroy (me). So the orders of the Court are flouted ... and I am the one punished, along with the children ... whose "best interests" were served by being given to the destroyer ... in obvious error ... which appears will remain buried and therefore, likely happen to others or continue.