Feeling Better
So it's been quite a while since I've posted on here, mainly because there's been nothing for me to say. I've been deathly embarrassed about having HPV and have had no sexual contact since then. Things have changed, so I'm looking to get some feedback on my current situation.
There is this guy that I like and we have sort of started this friends with benefits type of thing. Now before you say anything about anything, listen to my logic. I did a TON of research about talking to partners about my HPV. What I have concluded from all of that research--which is not only from the internet, but from a friend of mine who has a different STI, and a friend who doesn't have any STI--is that as long as there are no symptoms of any kind and there haven't been any symptoms in a while, then it is alright to keep this my business until I feel the time is right to tell him. I keep a close eye on my parts--I regularly check down there and I get regular check ups with my GYN to keep tabs on it. I haven't had any warts in about 3 1/2 years, and a lot of the websites I came across talked about how if you are symptom free for at least 6 months, then you have a good chance of not seeing any warts again. I will, by no means, cease from keeping tabs on my parts, that's a given. But I don't quite see the point in divulging my innermost secret to someone I'm not really in a relationship with. I do make us use condoms every single time, no exceptions. I do not give oral and I do not allow him to perform it. I am 100% committed to minimizing the chances of spreading this virus to him. As long as I don't see any symptoms of my own, there should be nothing for him to worry about.
The websites reiterated how doctors are torn between 1) always be up front and honest with your partner or 2) you are not putting him in any sort of danger, therefore there is no reason he needs to know at this time. I made an executive decision to keep it to myself since he is in no danger. My friend who has a different STI said it was technically up to me whether or not I chose to tell this guy. Half of me beats myself up every time because I like honesty. The other half of me is torn between hating myself for even having this virus in the first place, and trusting myself that I'm doing the right thing. I read a story about this guy who was having sex with this girl and he flat out asked her, multiple times, if she had any type of STD, and she said no. A few months later, she admitted to having HPV and said she lied because she was scared. Now he has it and he is torn because he really likes her and sort of understands why she was scared to tell him, but he's also furious because she straight up lied when he asked her to her face, multiple times! At least if my guy asked or something, I'd be honest. I wouldn't lie to his face.
My other friend who doesn't have any STI carefully listened to my entire story about having HPV before answering. She said that it doesn't make me a terrible awful person for keeping this a secret for now. She said since we are using condoms, we are minimizing the risk of passing on anything, especially since I haven't had any sort of symptoms in 3 1/2 years. It made me feel a LOT better telling her because it was hard! It's hard telling one of my best friends that I have this virus. It was nice to know she didn't think I was disgusting and slowly edge me out of her life or something. It gives me a small glimmer of hope for telling other close people in the future. I've always kept this secret on a need-to-know basis, which is the way it should be.
I guess I'm telling you all of this because I'm looking for helpful feedback. If things continue with this guy and things get to another level, I would probably end up telling him. That will be a whole other post on advice on how to tell someone. But for now, this is the situation I'm in. And I'd appreciate any helpful feedback or personal experiences you'd like to give.
There is this guy that I like and we have sort of started this friends with benefits type of thing. Now before you say anything about anything, listen to my logic. I did a TON of research about talking to partners about my HPV. What I have concluded from all of that research--which is not only from the internet, but from a friend of mine who has a different STI, and a friend who doesn't have any STI--is that as long as there are no symptoms of any kind and there haven't been any symptoms in a while, then it is alright to keep this my business until I feel the time is right to tell him. I keep a close eye on my parts--I regularly check down there and I get regular check ups with my GYN to keep tabs on it. I haven't had any warts in about 3 1/2 years, and a lot of the websites I came across talked about how if you are symptom free for at least 6 months, then you have a good chance of not seeing any warts again. I will, by no means, cease from keeping tabs on my parts, that's a given. But I don't quite see the point in divulging my innermost secret to someone I'm not really in a relationship with. I do make us use condoms every single time, no exceptions. I do not give oral and I do not allow him to perform it. I am 100% committed to minimizing the chances of spreading this virus to him. As long as I don't see any symptoms of my own, there should be nothing for him to worry about.
The websites reiterated how doctors are torn between 1) always be up front and honest with your partner or 2) you are not putting him in any sort of danger, therefore there is no reason he needs to know at this time. I made an executive decision to keep it to myself since he is in no danger. My friend who has a different STI said it was technically up to me whether or not I chose to tell this guy. Half of me beats myself up every time because I like honesty. The other half of me is torn between hating myself for even having this virus in the first place, and trusting myself that I'm doing the right thing. I read a story about this guy who was having sex with this girl and he flat out asked her, multiple times, if she had any type of STD, and she said no. A few months later, she admitted to having HPV and said she lied because she was scared. Now he has it and he is torn because he really likes her and sort of understands why she was scared to tell him, but he's also furious because she straight up lied when he asked her to her face, multiple times! At least if my guy asked or something, I'd be honest. I wouldn't lie to his face.
My other friend who doesn't have any STI carefully listened to my entire story about having HPV before answering. She said that it doesn't make me a terrible awful person for keeping this a secret for now. She said since we are using condoms, we are minimizing the risk of passing on anything, especially since I haven't had any sort of symptoms in 3 1/2 years. It made me feel a LOT better telling her because it was hard! It's hard telling one of my best friends that I have this virus. It was nice to know she didn't think I was disgusting and slowly edge me out of her life or something. It gives me a small glimmer of hope for telling other close people in the future. I've always kept this secret on a need-to-know basis, which is the way it should be.
I guess I'm telling you all of this because I'm looking for helpful feedback. If things continue with this guy and things get to another level, I would probably end up telling him. That will be a whole other post on advice on how to tell someone. But for now, this is the situation I'm in. And I'd appreciate any helpful feedback or personal experiences you'd like to give.
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