Just thinking...

So, here's a bit of background information since this is my first journal entry. The last time I had sex was last march, and soon after that encounter, I noticed a small amount of bumps in my genital region. I immediately went and got it checked and was confirmed that it is HPV. I think I cried for like a month. I immediately started getting cryotherapy liquid nitrogen treatments every 3-4 weeks and as of December, there were no more warts! (Merry Christmas to me, right?) A pap smear revealed that I have low-risk HPV on my external area and high-risk HPV on my cervix, which means I am at a great risk of developing cervical cancer. After a colposcopy, I do not have cervical cancer. There is no way to help move the virus along to get it out of my system quicker, and the only way to determine whether or not the high-risk HPV has become cancerous is through yearly pap smears. I've also given up on sex for the time being. It was kind of a big part of my life during the first 2 years of college. So, I guess I didn't really help myself out at all by being kind of slutty, huh? Anyways, I figure I have better things to do with my time. I'm also deathly afraid of admitting I have this virus to a future partner. I am so scared of what they might say. I always try to think about how that conversation might go and come up with a plan about how I am going to break it to them. And in every single scenario, it ends with me alone. Kinda sad, right?

Anyways, I joined this site to hopefully connect with other people who are in a similar situation. Which I have found and I have also found their advice to be extremely helpful. I don't know anyone else with this virus and had a hard enough time telling my parents. So finding out that there is a whole discussion site about this very topic is truly inspiring. I have read a bunch of posts recently about how HPV is not really a lifelong virus, but more of a temporary one and with the proper treatment and care and attention, I can help myself move closer to being totally cured!