Just sitting here reflecting again on the incredible journey I took with my Sisters of the Heart on the Cape Cod trip.
We boarded the bus and we took a non-eventful trip out to the Cape.  Just like my life was going along relatively smoothly in May of 2007.  It was a beautiful day.  We were on an outing and greeted by the prettiest picture of such a wonderful and caring lady waving and welcoming us from the upstairs window of a most peaceful looking cottage-type shop.  We gathered and visited and had an inspiring talk from this wonderful lady.  We boarded the bus once again to go down to the pier.  Lots of hustle and bustle going on there as the fishing boats were coming in and unloading, going about their normal day...much like my life in the first part of May 2007.  There were gulls and seals playing in the water, the wonders and beauty of nature.
We went by small motor boat out to the barrier island.  The wind was picking up and our boat captain had to hold tightly to the line to steady the boat as we got out and waded to shore.  As you look back to before your child's passing, do you see things that were a bit out of the usual, hints of a sort of change to come?  Reflecting back, I see those things.  We trudged to the ocean side of the island.  I sat alone and ate my sandwich and watched the waves coming and going and began to plan what my course of action for this "island time" was going to be.  As I finished my sandwich, I began to feel raindrops falling on my shoulders.  I thought this would pass, nothing to really be concerned about.  Did you ever have those little niggles in the back of your mind about your child?  I think most of us do depending on what is going on in their lives at the time.  Before I could gather up my things and start on my "quest" it was raining hard, blowing and really cold.  Everything I had with me was getting wet and I knew I needed to do something to shield myself.  I headed back to the bay side of the island.  It was very tiring and hard for me to walk through that sand, which seemed determined to keep my feet from getting me where I needed to go.   I must have gone into survivor mode and I headed for a pile of lumber and such that was piled up by  where the boat let us off.  I found a piece of wood I could sit on, arranged some boards to protect my backpack from the rain and hunkered down to keep some of the wind off me.  I watched as other got off the boat and went about their journeys.  While I didn't walk to any other places, find any shells or that sort of thing, I did pull some sea grass and fashioned a three cord bracelet which to me represented Clinton, Lance (my oldest son) and myself as we bonded together and survived their childhood and my less than happy marriage to their father.  When Clinton was a baby and up all night one night with teething, I wrote a lullaby for him so I sang that to him again, sitting there in the rain and wind.  I also sang worship songs to thank God for always being with me through the storms of life.  This was so symbolic of how my life was after Clinton's accident.  I always felt like I was fighting through a storm that was about to freeze me out and blow me away.  I watched as others carried on around me, but  even in their presence, I was isolated from them. 
The boat finally came to pick us up and we struggled to get back onto the boat.  I was one of the first on so put down my things and helped others with a hand up.  We arrived back on the pier and headed up to the restroom to try to repair the damage done by the weather.  We began to talk and even laugh at some of the things that had gone on on the island as we waited for the others to return. Sort of like first finding FMO and our first "friends" on that site.
Back on the bus, with weather clearing, and off to the peaceful park with the labyrinth, windmill and peaceful garden.  When we circled, got our "believe" message and sea glass, welcomed in the "sister" who happened to be there, maybe searching for the peace even as we do, the sun began to shine on us.  We held hands and walked together.  We walked with smiles, with tears, with strength, with weakness, with kisses, with love...we walked TOGETHER, holding tightly to each other.  That is so what my life has been since May 21, 2007.  What about yours?
We honored our precious children with rocks, shells, tears, laughter, smiles and never ending love and I so believe that each child was there, smiling at us from "the other room".  I also believe that our biggest cheerleader Barbara was right in the middle of them, loving us still and cheering us on.
For me, this was one of those days that has so impacted my life and I am so blessed to have been able to share it with all of you, my loves, my sisters, my helpers, my friends!
OUR KIDS ROCK!!!!!!!!



 

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