People are made up so very differently!  I think I come from a minority as far as my outlook on things.  I will probably sound very mean in this journal.  I really don't mean to be, it is just the way my "makeup" is.   This is a very hard week for me.  I am struggling to keep control over my emotions and get through things as smoothly as possible.  I know my daughter-in-law is struggling also.  Today marks 52 weeks since Clinton's accident and Wednesday will be the one year anniversary.  I want to get through it as low key and normal as possible for everyone.  I made it through the 11:00 a.m. (time he fell) point with only a couple of unnoticed tears and then this big bouquet of flowers arrive.  The card says "Hang in there this week.  Love Amy" (my daughter-in-law).  She enjoys getting flowers so I know this is meant to be a sweet and thoughtful gesture from her.  When I get home for lunch I will call and thank her but I can't do it now because I am really having to struggle to keep from completely breaking down.  They are beautiful flowers but they smell just like the funeral home did.  And now I have people commenting on them, thinking I am lucky to get flowers and asking what they are for.  It is hard to keep calm and tell them it is because a year ago this week my son died.  There is also the maddeningly logical side of me who says my grandson has been asking for new tennis shoes for 3 weeks because his are too small (and his younger brother got new ones because his were too small) and Amy keeps telling him she has to wait until she gets paid.  She has spent at least $500.00 on eating out, pizza, stuff for her vacation to the Virgin Islands (which starts Saturday), redoing one of her tattoos and other such stuff since he has told her about his shoes.  I would have felt much better if she had taken the money she spent on the flowers and gotten him shoes! Well, I'm off for my lunch hour.  I told you I would end up sounding mean and ungrateful but I just had to get it out.  Thanks for putting up with me.  You are all so loved and appreciated...