I miss my son so very much!  I am desperately sad and lonely tonight.  My heart is breaking not only for myself but for all my dear friends here and mothers everywhere who have been forced into this horrible position of having to deal with the death of a child.  I continue to will my body to function and for the most part that mask of "dealing with life" stays in place for others to see.  Does the misery ever go away long enough for you to make progress?  My arms physically ache to hug my boy.  I know he is in heaven where he has no pain, no worries, no sadness or loneliness and I know he will be there waiting for me when my time here is done.  He and I are so much alike.  Rarely did we ever let anyone else see how much we were hurting about anything.  It seems like anytime either one of us would actually let our guard down and let someone else see our pain we would get salt poured on our wounds.  Sometimes when he was really down he would tell me, "Mom, you are the only one who has never let me down".  He always told me he would take care of me and now he's gone.  I know I will pull this all together again, as much as I can, and life will go on but for tonight I just cannot stop crying....I love you Clinton, forever and always...Mom