I told myself that 2008 had to be better than 2007.  I just knew that with the passage of time that my heart would begin to heal.  The sad, disappointing truth of the matter is that it seems to be getting worse.  The past 2 weeks I am stuggling more and more.  Maybe it's the horrible realization that so much time has passed and Clinton really is not going to come back.  I think about how hard the past 8 months have been and realize that there are years and years left to live with this pain.  I see my grandchildren continuing to try to come to grips with the fact that they have to grow up without their Daddy.  I also see them beginning to take on some very unsavory characteristics of their mother and her young boyfriend.  I can only pray that as they mature, they will remember what was important to their Dad and what kind of life he wanted for them.  I have had a couple of hurdles already this year that I am trying to figure out how to deal with.  The first one is that my daughter-in-law finally got Clinton's headstone about a week before Christmas.  I thought is was beautiful, simple yet elegant.  She had part of a tree and branches carved on it.  Well, there was one place that the computer carved out what appeared to be a leaf (among other leaves) but it wasn't etched in like the other leaves.  The man who did the stone said he would black it in and it should be okay.  Well, if you didn't know it was there, you couldn't really notice anything.  Several people commented on how nice it was.  Apparently she kept at them about it, she said she was always very nice, until she convinced them she would never be satisfied with it so they went to the cemetery and pulled it off and refunded her money.  This is the same monument company that has been in town forever and I have never heard of them doing something like this before.  My son now has no marker and who knows when she might ever get around to getting another because she has spent every penny of money from insurance, etc. and has more debts than she can pay.  The second problem is the step-grandmother, my daughter-in-law's stepmother.  Since school started she has been getting the kids off the bus and staying with them until Amy (daughter-in-law) decides to come home from work.  (She gets off between 4:00p and 4:30p but sometimes doesn't get home until after 7:00p)  Since Kaite ( granddaughter) started school, I have been helping with homework because neither Clinton nor Amy liked to nor would do it.  I went over 3 or 4 nights each week last year and helped because all 3 kids were in school.  This year I have been going over every night and helping.  The first couple months of school, no homework would even be started until I got there.  Finally, connie (step-grandmother) started having them begin their homework when they came home.  I thought this would be a good thing because I could again cut back to 3 maybe 4 nights a week.  I have church on Wed. nights and Praise and Worship practice on Thurs nights.  Well, when I would check the boys math homework, there would, more times than not, be problems that were wrong, obviously not checked by the adult.  Also, if I wasn't there, the spelling words wouldn't get put up so that they would be there each night to study.  Because of that, I got into the habit of going over right after work (4:15p) and leaving by about 5:00p or 5:30p, unless connie needed to leave and then I would stay until Amy got home.  Wednesday, I had to work late and needed to go home, let the dog out and leave for church by 5:30p.  I called to talk to the kids and see if it would be alright with them if I didn't come that night and came Thurs.  (The kids are always excited to see me and would like it if I would just move in with them.  I also have to admit that they are my lifeline right now and the main reason I keep putting one foot in front of the other)  I talked to Kaite and she wanted me to come if I could but then she said, "grandma connie says she doesn't want you to come.  She says it's her time with us."  I told her okay and that I would see them Thurs.  I talked to the boys to explain that I wouldn't be there that night but would be there Thurs.  Isaiah cried when I talked to him and said it just wouldn't be right without me and he needed me to help him with Spelling. Needless to say, my feeling were hurt but I was also very angry, but I did not go over there.  Thursday I went over and no one was there.  connie had taken the kids to the library even though they all said that they wanted to stay there because I was coming over.  They didn't get all their homework done either.  This is such a long and involved story that I cannot put it all down into words, but the bottom line is that she was just being mean and vindictive.  She has only been in the family for about 6 years and periodically she goes on these power struggles to try to control my time with the kids.  When Amy was in Germany this summer for 11 days I took off work and moved into their house and took complete care of the kids except for 1 trip to the zoo that connie and dick (Amy's dad) took the boys on.  While she was gone though, they took it upon themselves to call Amy in Germany to tell her that I was starting proceedings to take her children away from her!!!!  That is the farthest thing from the truth.  Why in the world would they ever think that after losing their Father that I would want them to be taken away from their mother?!  They both lie periodically to try to cause trouble  to get them in good graces and me in bad.  I don't know if any of this makes any sense but it helps to try to put it down into words and work through it.  I haven't seen connie since last Tues. and have to say I really don't look forward to having to face her again.  I really try not to step on anyone's toes, I don't butt in if the kids are doing their work with connie, I just see the kids and help where I'm needed.Well, I've been a cry baby enough I guess but I do feel a bit better for having put it down in words.  I would appreciate any suggestions or comments on what to do.  I value each and every one of you and appreciate your help.  Thank you so very much for listening to me and I love you all...Lynn