It's the first day of a new year.  I arrived home from CT last night about 9:00 p.m.  My Mom picked me up at the airport so I got to see her on New Years Eve.  Lance took me to the airport so I was with him on New Years Eve and I watched the ball drop with all 4 of my precious grandkids and my daughter-in-law.  We all had our moments of tears because we miss Clinton being here with us so desperately.  My 8 year old grandson came home with me to spend the night and he and I stopped by the cemetary at l:00 a.m. to tell Clinton Happy New Year.  I always said I couldn't live if something happened to one of my children but 7 1/2 months after Clinton left us here I am still standing.  Sometimes I just don't think there is any way I can continue without him here and I give in to the tears and the anguish.  Other times I listen to myself when I tell myself that I must have more to do here before I go Home.  My goal is to be as much of an encourager and a help to others as I possibly can.  I believe much of my healing will come from that.  I miss my boy who isn't here with all my heart but he has given me the most precious gifts ever, my grandchildren.  I love my son who is still here with all my heart.  I am truly blessed, even through this tragedy.I love all my friends here on DS and am ever grateful for each and every one...